Mirror Mirror | Jesus & Beauty

I am a 21 year old girl who is trying to maintain modesty in the midst of a world that is filled with models like Miley Cyrus and the Victoria Secret Fashion Show. Sometimes it feels like I'm fighting a battle I won't win. The models will always win out to be the most beautiful, endearing, and eye catching... where as I? Am just your average brunette.
The problem with this thinking is that I am giving the mirror and media way too much control over my self esteem. I am relying on them for my worth and to tell me I'm beautiful. Our worth is found in the one who gave it all. Here's a letter to reflect upon that.
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To my sisters in Christ,

I want you to know that it isn't your hair, jewelry, clothes, or size that determines your worth. If the mirror that you look at says that you're not skinny enough, tall enough, or pretty enough, I'll let you in on a little secret... The mirror is a liar.
It took me a while to understand this because I was relying on what I was seeing in my reflection to be the sole reason for my dignity and beauty. But this is a lie.
You may desire to be sought and chased after and the easy way to see this happen would be to attract a moth to a flame, right? God created women last and why did he do this? Because we are the crown of His creation. We were made to be the most beautiful beings. I mean think about this for one moment... You look at mountains, skylines, and beautiful landscapes and see how magnificent they are! You look at them and see how massive and grand they are and think to yourself "How beautiful God made His creation". Yet when we look at ourselves in the mirror all we see are the flaws, wounds, and "mistakes" in us. The thing is that NONE of that, not even the tallest and most beautiful of mountains, can compare to the beauty that He created in you... His loving daughter.

One of the most beautiful women to ever walk this earth would have not been considered, by the worlds standards, to be 'beautiful'. Although, you ask any person about her and I am sure they would respond that she had a beauty within her that defied any worldly standards of beauty. She could catch someone's eye upon walking into a room and have others desire to mimic her.
This woman was Blessed Mother Teresa.
She was short. She wore a habit so you didn't ever see her hair. In fact, she wore the same thing everyday.
But she was so incredibly beautiful. It was the light of Christ within her and the love that she had for Him that made her soul beautiful and carried on to her outward appearance. She loved Christ with all she had and it truly showed in her appearance!

Your worth is found in Christ. When the mirror lies to you remember your beauty in the eyes of Our Lord. You are beautiful. You are irreplaceable. Your are more magnificent than the most beautiful sunsets, the largest mountains, and the rarest of jewels. Nothing God makes is a mistake or ugly! He loved you until his last breath! So my challenge? Love Him until yours.

This is dedicated specifically to my little 1 year old niece. Remember this, my love. God loves you just as you are.

Surviving the First Year in a Serious Relationship | Do's and Don'ts from a Girl Who Has Learned From Them All

When people ask how long I have been dating my boyfriend it still seems strange saying, "oh... just over a year". Silly, right? Just. Both my boyfriend and I were taken by surprise at our relationship. Even more so because to be honest? We were both pretty dang new at the whole relationship thing. I had 2 (ish) boyfriends before him and he had one girlfriend before me.
Luckily for me I have 3 older sisters, two who are now married and the other in a serious relationship, that I could look to for an idea of how successful relationships work. Along with two loving parents who now celebrate 29 years of blissful marriage.
Doesn't mean that it's always easy.
We still had lessons we had to learn on our own and in doing so we were able to grow significantly in our relationship. Some lessons were harder than others but overall they were all worth it because we were growing and learning together.

Here are my "Do's and Don'ts" for surviving that first year in a serious relationship:

 

Don't

 

 

1. Don't ever get tired of saying I'm sorry and I forgive you.

Sometimes our pride gets in the way and we turn to being so selfish that we aren't truly loving. We need to learn that even though its hard and we may think we are right all the time, we have to take time to forgive and say I'm sorry. To do these two things is remembering that we are human and that we aren't perfect. You will make mistakes but if we know anything from the Oh Hello's it's that, "oh the sun it does not cause us to grow, it is the rain that will strengthen your soul... it will make you whole". (I have made mistakes - The Oh Hello's)

 

2. Don't give your whole heart away right away.

Your heart should be Christ's first and He should be the one to give it away to the person He knows will protect it. The person who deserves your heart will seek Christ in order to get to know your heart even better. Especially as women emotionally chastity can be very difficult but remember to fall in love with Christ first. He will know your heart and place it in the hands of someone worthy.

 

3. Don't give your body away.

Your body is one of the most beautiful gifts that will be given to your husband (or wife), and it is for them alone to unwrap. This doesn't mean that if you have already given away a part of yourself that you can't begin again because you absolutely can! Search for the person who will fight to maintain your dignity and not want to compromise the sanctity of your soul. They won't fight to take away that which is precious but seek to protect it until the proper time.

 

4. Don't be afraid to have difficult conversations.

These are bound to happen. Communication is absolutely vital to a healthy relationship because if you clam up and don't talk about difficult matters they will begin to bottle up and since they were buried so deep the uncovering of these issues will be a painful one. If you refuse to talk about things, like I did many times, it may seem that you are simply giving up. Just as that person is fighting for you it absolutely goes both ways. Fight through the pain or discomfort of talking about difficult things because that person is worth it!

 

5, Don't use your words for anger but only for love.

What we say has a power to either destroy or build up. Be very careful and make sure that what you say is said for the betterment of your significant other, even if this means taking you time to sit and think about what you are going to say do it! Just communicate that you are trying to find the best words and they should be understanding! Communication should bring you as a couple together not tear you apart.

 

6. Don't pressure or seek to control.

There's a difference between being Mary and being Eve. What did Eve do? She controlled the situation and told Adam to eat of the fruit (granted where the heck was Adam to protect Eve from the serpent? But that's for another post). Mary on the other hand gently pointed Jesus to the time and place where he was to begin His ministry- she didn't force Him to turn the water into wine at the wedding of Canaan, but rather gave Him the opportunity to make the decision for Himself. We need to be Mary's to those we love. We shouldn't pressure them for a wedding or control everything they say or do, but rather be there for them and give them opportunities to love and learn. All of this while trusting in the wisdom and plan of Our Lord.

 

7. Don't be selfish.

This relationship is not only about you. It's about the two of you. In a marriage you won't be in it for yourself but for the other person and their pursuit for Heaven. The dating experience is an opportunity for you to practice this selflessness and seek to find ways to better your significant other while bettering yourself for the sake of that person and their salvation.

 

 

Do

 

1. Always have Christ at the center of your relationship.

This is a no brainer! Christ is the reason you are together and so He absolutely has to be included. I have found that praying together, participating in the sacraments like confession, and going to Mass together have been fruitful in good times and bad. When you make mistakes- run to the confessional! It's humbling and necessary to keep your eyes fixed on Heaven.

 





 



2. Go on adventures!
Be spontaneous! Try to do fun dates that both of you are interested in! Personally I'm a homebody who doesn't mind just hanging out and watching movies BUT it's good to go experience life and see the beauty that God created while doing it! Plus... adventure is out there! Go seek it!

3.Discern your vocation wholly and genuinely.
Before getting into any relationship at all discern whether you are called to the vocation of marriage or called to the religious/consecrated life. Please do this before because it will hopefully prevent hurt if you were to decide while in the relationship that you are called to a different vocation. If you are called to the vocation of marriage then actively pursue it in prayer and action! Girls- say yes to dates. It doesn't mean you have to marry the guy but be open to the pursuit. Guys- PURSUE girls. Be courageous.

4. Maintain good friendships with your girlfriends. (or guys with your "boys")
These special people will know whether or not the person you are with is a suitable match for you and will look out for your best interest. Along with the fact that some of them will have good advice for certain situations having had experience with them. My friends and I try to do "girls nights" every month because it allows us some time to catch up but they are also my sisters in Christ so they will keep me accountable. As well as we [women]  need to be ok with our significant others going out and being with just "the boys" for a night. It's also necessary for them and we need to be respectful of that. Have your bridesmaids before you have your groom (as Jason Evert would say).

5. Learn each other's love languages.
We all love in different ways and some times its as if we are speaking another language that is impossible to understand. Try and take the time to learn each other's 'love language' (an awesome book you should definitely read) that way you both can be loving each other and increasing your capacity to love in different ways. For example, my love language is affirmation but my boyfriends is quality time, so I still give him words of affirmation (because that's how I feel loved) but I also try to spend a lot more quality time with him (how he feels loved). This will help you both learn more about each other in the process.

6. Be a good listener.
There are some days where one of you will just need to listen. Be there for one another and don't try to be a "fixer" but simply listen and love. Obviously unless it is a problem that needs to be resolved between the two of you then talk it out. Otherwise just listen and allow them to vent to you. This is one part of being "best friends" with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

7. Finally always... always... have a grateful heart.
It's not going to be easy. This relationship will have its difficult moments (this will continue in marriage as I've been told) but that doesn't mean it won't be worth it. God put this person in your life for a purpose. Always be grateful for the gift God has sent to you, because in all honesty? He didn't have to. Somehow in all of His wisdom He knew that in some way you needed this person to grow and learn. Take every moment to love, laugh, and give. You won't go wrong.

 

 

One year down, many more to go! Please pray for us!

True Love | Daddy Edition

Following my previous post about my Mom, I have decided to also write about the first man I ever loved, my Daddy. Wayne Willis.

A few years ago my family and I were gathered around the table enjoying a delicious breakfast (at Village Inn) to celebrate my Daddy on Father's Day. I had the 'brilliant' idea that we could all go in a circle and talk about our favorite memory with our Dad.
Yes. This was a terrible idea.
I live with 5 women. Wait...  let me correct myself... I live with 5 very emotional women.
None of us could make it through our memories without breaking down in tears.
What made us cry wasn't just the hormones (I know that comes as a shock) but it was because Daddy's role in our lives was more than just being a financial teacher, but he showed us the love of a Father and taught us how firm love...is always true love.

What do I mean by firm love?
Firm love strengthens you. It's the love that is both merciful and just. It's the love that will sometimes be hard on you, but only to make you better. It's the kind of love that pushes you to respect your own dignity, even if it's difficult to hear. It's the kind of love that pushes you to practice what you preach. Finally, its the kind of love that doesn't stop making sacrifices.

My Dad loves me with a firm love.
In the bear hugs I would receive when I was little and my Dad would come home from work.
When I danced the father-daughter dance with him at my Quincenera and he had to tighten his grip to make sure I was following him.
And when I came home for the first time after having left for college and he held me a little tighter.

My Dad's love is also firm in that he never hesitates to say I love you.
His love is firm when he makes sure that what we wear accurately reflects our dignity and ensures our own desire for modesty.
His love is firm when he teaches us about automobiles and how to fix our own problems.
His love is firm in pushing us and allowing us to receive a higher education.
His love is firm when he discusses budgeting and finances.
Ultimately, his love is firm in that he loves us too much to keep us where we are at.

All of those things are qualities that have ultimately led to my deeper understanding of God the Father.
Our Lord loves us with a firm love that requires both justice and mercy. When we fall and make mistakes He is there to be just, but to do it all out of love. It always helps when I approach my prayer with God the Father the same way I would approach any conversation I would have with my Dad. Even in the little things by called God an endearing name like "Daddy".

No matter how old I get I will always be "daddy's baby girl". Even the inevitable day when he walks me down the aisle he won't be walking me down to "give me away" but will be entrusting my heart, that he had cherished first, to another. This is the greatest lesson I ever learned from the man I loved first.... that selfish love- isn't love at all. It is the giving of self in the big and little things that is love. True selfless love is the firm love that builds a family. This is evident in God the Father who sent His only son to die on a cross.

(Just like my previous post)
Hug your Dad. Recognize the firms arms around you.
Recognize that these are the arms that held you when you were a baby, the ones that held you in joy and in sadness, and the ones that worked day and night to provide for you.
A Father's arms went so far as to lay outstretched on a tree and die for the sake of your soul. Therefore, if your Father is no longer here on earth or has not taken his role of Fatherhood seriously, develop your relationship with Our Father in Heaven.

Thank you Wayne Willis for being a prime example of the quote by St. Thomas Aquinas... "Give expecting nothing thereof."

You will always be the first man I ever loved.

True Love | Mama Edition

First of all thank you for your continued prayers during this time of consecration to Jesus through Mary! I know that they are really helping and I have continued my journey through these 33 days of reflection and prayer!

As I am doing this consecration I have been growing in my love and curiosity of Mary, Our Mother. In height of that I decided I would like to write a little bit about my own Mama, JoAnn Willis.
In case you all don't know her.... she's the bomb.

My Mama has been such a vital role model in my life. She has been with me through it all... I mean IT ALL.
She was there when I lost my first tooth.
She was there when I went through my very first break up.
She was there and continued to call me beautiful even though I was in middle school. And awkward.
She was there when I struggled with friends in middle school.
She was there in high school when I was going through the "difficult teen" stage.
She was there when I went on my first date... and hated it.
She was there to take me out of school to go see a movie... all while telling the school I had a dentist appointment.
She was there when I got my drivers license and drove away for the first time by myself.
She was there during every track meet- no matter the weather.
She was there when I walked on the stage to receive my diploma and graduate high school.
She was there when I packed my bags to head off to college.
She was there when I came home all giddy about a boy named Tim.
She was there in every sad and happy moment- and always there to make me laugh.
She was there when I bought my first legal drink at 21.
She continues to be there for me everyday in the simple things and the big things, you know why? As I have grown up I have realized more and more that I am becoming more like her and wanting to become more like her.

Growing up whenever I was with my Mom there would be strangers and family alike who would say, "oh you look exactly your mom". As I have gotten older the more I realize all that my Mom really does for our family and because of that the more this compliment means to me.
You talk to anyone who knows her they will say that she throws the best parties around, has a deep love for her children and grandchildren, can survive on virtually no sleep, and has a laugh that will make anyone in a room laugh with her. What they don't know, and what I sometimes forget, is how much she truly gives. My mom's day does not revolve around herself but rather those around her because she makes sure that they can live with ease and comfort.
I know that each time she see's us cry, she can see the little girl who just wanted to be picked up and cuddled by her Mom.

More than anything my Mom has taught me to love completely and expect nothing in return. She does this in her faith as she learns to love Christ more even in the midst of tragedy and heart ache. But the most selfless act that my Mom has ever done is when she gave Our Lord her children.
She told us that she realized that we were God's... Our lives would be used for His glory...
What beauty is that? The true gift of self because my Mom went through pain and discomfort to bring me into this world in order to realize that we weren't hers to keep... but God's to use.

Do me a favor.

Hug your Mom. Tight.

If your earthly Mother is no longer with us or she struggles in her role with Motherhood, look to Our Mother in Heaven. She is the model for our Mothers here on earth and begin your relationship with her. She will intercede for you to Christ- and there's not much Jesus will deny His Mother.

Shout out to Mama Mary:

How Swing Dancing Changed My Outlook on Relationships

So one of my boyfriend and I's favorite things to do is to go swing dancing.
It's a time to just let loose, swing each other around, and have a grand old time making up our own very interesting dance moves.
This week was interesting because I had the opportunity to go to a girls night at my parish where our FOCUS missionary was teaching a large group of girls how to swing dance. Seems odd, right? A whole bunch of girls swing dancing with no boys as dance partners. But the more Katherine talked about the importance of dance and being able to teach a man how to lead, the more I understood the immensely important lesson I was going to learn. All of us women talked about the fact that we need to look for spouses who can dance with us and more importantly lead us. They are someone who you can have loads of fun with but yet still learn new ways to follow. As women we, like many things in our relationships with men, receive so much. I mean thinking about this in regards to our own sexuality even! The men give and the women receive. This is also true in dancing. You need both people to be giving. In the case of men they need to be leaders. And you need the women to be able to receive- or be able to follow. Both the man and the woman need to be willing to serve each other in the way that they were intended to do so and be willing to work as a team in order to both reap the same benefits... in this case? Have one heck of a fun time dancing with your partner.

Miscommunication or lack of communication can be extremely tough on a couple...
Trust me.
One night, for some odd reason I was particularly peeved and had decided to not talk to my boyfriend... therefore a majority of the car ride driving over to Sundance (the place we go to swing dance) I remained silent and stubborn to any conversation. He would make a joke or two and I would chuckle a little but only to return back to my awkward silence.
Finally, we made it to the dancing place and I was excited to let my stubbornness roll off and have some fun dancing with my guy.
But see at this point my silence had been hurting him and causing him to have some pent up anger.
You can probably guess what happened.... we were a mess on the dance floor.
While we were first dancing neither of us were smiling and we were just going through the motions. I was being spun into people and off the dance floor, while he wasn't getting any warmth or support from me. I was being the worst possible follower and had caused us to studder step more than once.
I could see that it just wasn't going well for us so we stepped off to actually talk.
Then... my dear friends...we figured out our missteps.
It was a lack of communication that was bothering both of us and we weren't unified as a team. This was our problem. Normally, we are both warm and can laugh about any mistake that we make on the dance floor, and even on occasion make that mistake turn into some positive new dance move that only we use. But we were both silently angry at each other while first arriving and that led to my own lack of trust in his ability to lead (that's why I was struggling following) and his own frustration which was displayed by me being run into people. An outside factor to this was also that it was super crowded.
What we learned goes beyond dancing but cuts to the heart about our relationship. When we aren't communicating with one another, we aren't being the best possible partners for each other in that moment.

After having resolved our communication difficulties..... it helped tremendously.
Don't get me wrong! There was still the occasional run in with another couple or awkward turn. But the important thing is that we were ourselves and laughing about it when mistakes came. We were able to learn from them and dance the next step even better.

See... we still are going to make mistakes. We will never be the absolute perfect dance partners. What matters is that we move forward from our mistakes and not get bogged down to the point where we may not even want to dance at all. Because to be honest? My boyfriend is dance partner for life material. Someone that goes beyond to ensure the salvation of my soul by leading me to Christ. He leads and I follow not because it's the easiest thing to do- but because it's the right thing to do.

...When I'm with you, I know who I am and who I wanna be... -Ben Rector

Some People Are Climbing the Stairway to Heaven...I'm Just Trying to Make it to the First Step

Friends! First, I am asking for prayers as I continue my consecration to Jesus through Mary!
Struggling hardcore and have thought 9 days (out of the 10 I have done) of just giving up. 
Praise be Jesus Christ I haven't yet!

Curious as to what has kept me going?
Mary.
For some odd reason my curiosity of Our Lady grows with each day, and my desire to be like her increases with it.
She was pure, beautiful, and magnified Our Lord.

Where am I?
I'm more of a Mary Magdalene.

I am broken, imperfect, impatient, and selfish.
I seek the world.
I have past mistakes that haunt me and tell me that I will never be free from my sin.

What I have grown to understand is that even Mary Magdalene, although broken and imperfect, was brought to the Resurrection. Christ appeared to her first despite her failings. Mary Magdalene's story is one of tremendous redemption and shows that no matter where we have been Christ's love knows no bounds. In John 20:11-18 we see that Mary was at the tomb and noticed that the stone had been rolled back and Jesus' body wasn't laid in the tomb. Immediately she begins to weep and panic at where her Lord had gone. She turns around and Christ says to her, "Woman why are you weeping? Of whom do you seek?". Mary begins to cry again and says, "Sir if you have taken the body of my Lord please return Him to me..." thinking that Christ was the gardener. Then with simplicity and love Christ says just one more word...." Mary."
Imagine.
Sometimes I find myself searching and searching for Christ but I get caught in my own selfishness and refuse to actually see Him. I know that's when he just gently says as he did to Mary, "Kileen".

This time of consecration is a time of being open to Christ and actually seeing Him.
He's breaking down barriers and showing me His true divine self through being able to witness my own life through the life of Mary Magdalene. She grew in love, purity, and beauty because of her love for Christ and learned true to devotion from Our Lady who she spent time in friendship with. They watched the Passion of Our Lord unfold together. Ultimately, Mary Magdalene is a Saint now in Heaven because of her response to Christ's call to mercy and forgiveness. Being able to move forward in our relationship with Christ means first forgiving ourselves and accepting His mercy to live our lives as the Saints we are called to be.

Forgive yourself.

"Still my heart, pull me close, let me hear a still small voice." -Audrey Assad "Restless"

Saint Mary Magdalene, pray for us!

Sticks and Stones May Break my Bones....

But words will never hurt me.

This is false. Words really hurt.

It says in scripture time and time again the importance of attention to the words we speak as to not harm our neighbor, and that words have power to both give life AND destroy the spirit.
How powerful, right? Our words have the capability to both give life and to destroy. That's intense.

Let me tell you.... this week has been actually pretty exhausting. Spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I feel pretty drained. But in all things we must praise Christ! What makes this feeling worthwhile is that I realize that I am exhausted because of following through with what Christ needed from me this week. I listened, empathized, and cried... In all of those things He just wanted to be an instrument of love to others who were feeling torn down.

Words.

Over the passed week I have witnessed them bring hope to the hopeless, acknowledge past wounds and in doing so make steps towards healing, give light to some shadow of darkness, restore faith in despair, and finally... reiterate love.
Unfortunately, I have also been witness to the power they have to hurt and break the spirit.

Our words are very powerful and shouldn't be taken lightly because as it says in Proverbs 15: 1, "There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
We have to make sure that we use our words to build up one another and not tear each other down.

When you feel hurt simply repeat this in your head, "Lord I pray for the conversion of their heart, but first begin with mine."