Worth Fighting For

As human beings we are biologically set to either "fight" or "flight". It is in our nature. 

What inclines us to fight? Or to run away in flight?

Sometimes in relationships we struggle with this very question... should I fight or flight?

Upon being witness to new relationships beginning and others ending I began to ask myself this very question. I couldn't help but grow frustrated at seeing someone who I love dearly struggle with the fact that she felt like she hadn't been fought for and that her boyfriend refused to try to make them work. The part that I was frustrated with was that she deserved to be fought for and her heart deserved to be cherished. 

Another question followed...Where should men learn to be men and fight for the women they love?

This would be my advice: 

Learn from the very man who invented love.

He was a man who came to earth only to set those He loved free. He came and brought a calm to storms, fed 5,000 with one loaf of bread and a fish, walked on water, cured the sick, gave sight to the blind, and brought the dead back to life. 

His love was so deep that it brought Him to His very death. This death wasn't peaceful or fast... it was slow and painful. He fought so hard that blood began to fall to the ground in droplets of sweat as He thought of the death He was to endure. True love was displayed on Calvary. We should learn how to fight for love in Christ who hoped in love, fought for love, and died for love.

Plus you know what? 

You were worth it. 

You deserve to be fought for and not fought with. Find someone that will love you at your worst and arms that will hold you at your weakest. Because how wonderful it is when you find the person who can laugh with you, inspire you, and simply give you that reassuring hug that say's he's fighting- and will continue to fight for you. The way Our Savior has and continues to do for us....

                                         

-----> Special thank you to the guy who inspired this post. I'm so blessed to have you as an example in my life.

I Lived with 50 Servant Sisters... #StuffCatholicsSay

When I was younger and first began to learn about the religious life I remember picturing nuns like this.....

                                                         

Or like this..... 

Do you know who this is?

                                                   

Yes you got it! That is Julie Andrews as Maria from the Sound of Music! 

When I was younger I was able to see the Sound of Music at the Buell Theatre in Denver and at intermission of the show I leaned over to my Mom and said, "you know Mama I think I want to be a nun when I grow up." You can guess what happened after the last half of the show... I wanted to get married. My perception of the religious life was that it was a life of boredom where you couldn't have fun, there was no singing, no playing the guitar, and you wouldn't be able to have children. The problem was that I basing my knowledge of the religious life completely on a musical. Not on reality.

The reality of this vocation is so incredibly beautiful and I got to experience it first hand when I spent two weeks in Cantabria, Spain with the Home of the Mother this past summer. 

           

   
                                                    

Jenna (my sister) and I with our good friend Sister Morgan

The Sisters weren't rigid, scary, or boring. They all had their own personalities and talents that they now use in the convent or residing communities to build the Kingdom of God. (Yes... they could sing, dance, and play the guitar if they wanted!) They have a light in them that spills over and inspires you to find what gives them this happiness and kindness. What is that?

Joy. Pure Joy.

This joy is what they received when becoming a bride of Christ. They offered their whole lives not to hide away from reality or because they were afraid of the world but rather because they were called to serve Our Lord in a radical way and GIVE to the world a hope that we can only attain through Christ. 

What I can tell you about my brief time living with the Servant Sisters was that it was a time of intense self sacrifice. Even in the little things. I was forced to get ready in promptly 15 minutes, shower every other day, rarely get hot water, and have a collection of 3 shirts and 3 pants I could switch to a from for the entire two weeks. I know it sounds so selfish of me to explain these materialistic things but it's vital that you know this in order to know my slow transition near the end of my trip. This self sacrifice wasn't only in the little parts of getting ready for the day but it was part of every minute of every day. We would eat at 8 am, then at 2 pm, and finally at 9:30 pm. Let me tell you guys... ALL of the Sisters could hear how hungry I was as we went throughout our work because my stomach growl could be heard from a mile away. It was an interesting part of European living that both my sister and I struggled getting used to. Our work was another way that we were able to sacrifice for Our Lord because I am normally such a planner that I enjoy knowing a week in advance what my next week will look like... I mean let's be real... I have my next 2 years planned out 'perfectly'. The idea of not even being able to know what work I would be doing the next day was SO tough. Not only for the fact of being able to mentally prepare for what I would have to do for the next day but I also wanted to be able to physically prepare for the next work day because most of the time we were laboring. The physical labor was hard to get used and some nights I had never loved laying in a bed so much. 

Every minute, day, and hour sacrifices. 

In all the sacrifice there was also an extreme amount of love.

The Sister's did everything out of such joy and love for Our Lord that it seemed to sometimes lessen the pain of working hard and laboring in the garden, or make time fly swiftly as we made magazines. Another absolutely beautiful piece of this work was that every minute was focused on Our Lord and we were able to have an incredible amount of time with Him. While spending more time with Him I was able to love His Mother that much more and increase my devotion to her. When we were making lunch one day with Sister Marina she began by saying, "The first thing you must do before preparing the Spanish tortilla would be to pray that Our Lady could be with us in the kitchen and help us prepare a good meal." How simple. 

Our Lady was the model for our way of living. I learned that Our Lady is like the moon and Our Lord is like the sun. The earth wouldn't exist without the sun but the moon reflects that which the sun so perfectly gives. Jesus NEEDED Mary because she reflects His love to the world and is a shining light in the darkness of the world. Mary is our aid in order to get to Our Lord. We began our day with Jesus and ended it with Him which gave us strength each and everyday to continue working hard and sacrificing- we knew there was a purpose to it all. 

My heart needed this time of self sacrifice.The days passed and the idea of getting ready in 15 minutes got easier, showers became a lovely gift, and cold water was a time of repentance and prayer. I was slowly making a transition from a "me centered" world to a "God centered" one. My heart was like the story in the book of Hosea. The story goes that Hosea was told by God to marry a prostitute and listening to God he did just that, but the problem was the she would run away from him and return to her old ways.But each time Hosea would run after her and bring her back home.

Our Lord had to take me out into the wilderness to learn love again in order to be at home with Him. Early one morning during holy hour I came upon that exact reading, "But look, I am going to bring her and lead her into the desert and speak to her heart. 17 There I shall give her back her vineyards, and make the Vale of Achor a gateway of hope. There she will respond as when she was young, as on the day when she came up from Egypt." 

That was me.

He just wanted me to respond to Him and return back to His love and out of my own selfishness.

I just had to live a life of self sacrifice for two weeks.... that's it. 

I fell in love with Our Lord all over again because, while living with these women who had devoted their entire life to their relationship with Him, He was at the forefront of everything we did. It was through the example of the Servant Sisters that I wasn't going to be afraid of what my relationship with Christ might mean, and the sacrifices I may have to make. The fact was that Jesus called me back to simply be His daughter and soak in His goodness. 

Don't be afraid to look into ALL the beautiful vocations. If you are meant to be a wife, consecrated, or bride of Christ- it will all be for the glory of He who made you. He created your heart and will give you whatever strength necessary to live out your vocation. 

Trust in Him.

Pinterest is Planning My Wedding... All I Need is the Groom

Girls... you ALL know what I'm talking about! The tendency to open up that Pinterest page and immediately be looking at the wedding boards. For those of you who do not have a Pinterest.... I say to you both good job and I'm sorry! 

I got my Pinterest account when I was a freshman in college and didn't realize the commitment I was making upon receiving an invitation to officially "sign up". This was a commitment to procrastination, crafty ideas, and also loads upon loads of pins planning my future wedding. A wedding I was no where close to having. Don't get me wrong! Pinterest is awesome for valuable information towards 'do it yourself' crafts, recipes, fashion trends, and many more. But something I struggle with greatly is making sure that as I pin, especially in regards to looking at the wedding boards, that I keep my heart open to God's will.

Near the beginning of when my sweet boyfriend and I started dating he just happened to get on my Pinterest account and to his dismay he found my wedding board. I was a little embarrassed and tried to hide it from him, but it was of no use. The kid is smart. Both astonished at the number of pins and extremely nervous because we had only been dating for a month or so I reassured him that I made that board a long time ago. Some reassurance huh? This probably made him feel more uncomfortable. I found that as our relationship grew and started to become more serious and marriage got brought up it seemed to have a stigma that it was something that I wanted from him merely to get all the glitz, glam, and romance to have my perfect 'Pinterest wedding'. I needed the groom to fit into my cookie cutter wedding. This made me so sad because the last thing I wanted him to feel, especially as we started to realize God's plan for us together, was that he was just a 'fill in' and it didn't matter who it was as long as I could get married in the near future. The thing was? I gave him a completely valid reason to thinking this because of my obsession over weddings on my Pinterest. In reality I knew he wasn't just a 'fill in' but because of my lack of emotional chastity on Pinterest I could have been at serious risk of losing the one thing (or person) I had been praying for most. This is when I really began to reevaluate my own emotional chastity in regards to Pinterest.

First, let me explain emotional chastity and why it's so hard for girls. Chastity is a virtue that involves becoming a master over your own desires or wants for the sake of Heaven. Chastity is heavily regarded and mostly looked at in the physical nature but the reality is that it involves our mind and imagination just as much as it involves our body. Men are visual creatures and tend to struggle with physical chastity more, whereas women are more sensual and struggle with emotional chastity. Emotional chastity can be wanting to share the entire depths of your heart or planning your wedding with a guy you've just met. Both of these things apply. The reason why women struggle with emotional chastity is because we are naturally a lot more in tune  to our emotions than guys and desire love... not as much sex. Girls still struggle with physical chastity too but as Father John Nepil said when he was talking about emotional chastity, "Girls give sex in order to have love and guys give love in order to have sex." It's the reality of how we were made and these aren't bad things! We just have to place them in the right context of marriage. 

Pinterest in it of itself is a good thing! It isn't bad! But when we take it and use it to make all the planning for God before we truly know the plan ourselves we get into some trouble. For the sake of the person that you are with (or will be with) always remember that they are more than a cookie cutter piece that fits in your plan! They are gift that God has sent you to reach Heaven because marriage is supposed to lead the two people to Our Lord. Trust me, as a girl who struggled (and continues to struggle) with this aspect of emotional chastity I can say that my future spouse is absolutely worth it! Just as the male in the relationship sacrifices and dies to himself physically we cannot be short of making sacrifices as well. 

A few pins here and there isn't a bad thing but when it consumes your time and thoughts then it's time to take a step back from pinning and maybe have a Pinterest fast for a few weeks. Another suggestion is to create a board that puts things in preparing your heart for your husband. It can include pictures of couples, quotes, or steps into creating a stable relationship with a center focused on God. That can be a fun way to involve your relationship in the Pinterest world. 

Have fun! But keep your heart open to the will of God because He will give you the desires of your heart... and has a plan far greater than the one we plan for ourselves.... Just trust in His goodness. 

"Create in me a clean heart, oh God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10

So.... I Hate Being Single

We've all had those moments.

Moments where our attention can only seem to see every hand holding, laughing, and adorable couple walking down the street or on campus. Well if anyone has not had those moments I SURELY did growing up. A few months ago I was meeting a friend for coffee and after explaining her beautiful journey she's going through with our Lord, I asked the dreaded question... "How are you doing with relationships?" Immediately I knew exactly what she was feeling because of her facial expression, and like her to, I didn't like being single. She told me of how people were trying to make her feel better by saying,"You have to be completely content by yourself before he will come!", and of course the classic, "Awe honey don't worry it was when I least expected him to come that he came into my life...I'm sure that will happen with you!'". After telling me this I completely empathized because I had been through all of that! I knew exactly where she was coming from so I simply looked at her and said..."It sucks doesn't it."

We both burst out into laughter at the bluntness of my phrasing... but in fact sometimes we just have to tell it like it is. We aren't doing anyone any favors if we don't tell them the honest truth, especially if we have gone through the experience before! 

I explained to her when I was told those exact same things that my understanding of this was that I had to not expect him to come into my life, right? Well in 'not expecting' I was trying to 'expect the unexpected' and grew frustrated over the whole process because I was in fact 'expecting'. Goodness. What confusion! For all you ladies who are single and desiring the vocation of marriage but are growing frustrated.... you're not alone! Here are a few things I hope that can help while you live out your call in a season of singleness.

First, please know that you're not alone in feeling that sense of hopelessness. It is easy to look at our relationships between one another and completely rely on them for our happiness but the best advice I can give you is to fall in love first with Our Lord and then with your future spouse. Honestly? He will teach you how to love purely, honestly, and wholly. Which you will need once you get in a relationship. Enjoy that time with our Lord and when you get frustrated or lonely, rush to the tabernacle and sit with Him. Tell Him of your struggles and pray for an increase in virtues. You will learn to love more fully if you love Him who made you, created you, and gave life to you. 

Second, enjoy and pray during your season of singleness. Notice that? I called it a season because, like all of the seasons, if you are called to the vocation of marriage your season of singleness will end. It is vital that you get time to truly know who you are and what God is calling you to do prior to entering into a relationship where you will need to be selfless. In this season of singleness it is OK to worry about yourself and be working with Our Lord on yourself! I know that it was wonderful for me to be able to be selfish in my love for Christ because then I just wanted to share it that much more with someone else, and through His love I am able to work towards a sacrificial love in my relationship and give to that person the way Christ gave to me. 

Third, love is natural. The love of Our God flows so naturally because we were created for that love. In the same way you will be called to naturally love your future spouse! I thought that love would be the way it is depicted in movies and songs, but in reality that is something that looks like love but isn't authentic love. 

You should strive for authentic love which is being able to sacrifice for your future spouse... even if you don't know who it is. During this time of waiting offer up every bit of suffering, loneliness, and sadness for the sanctity of their soul. And that as you prepare yourself for the day they will come into your life so too will they be doing the same for you.

Fourth, Father Dave Nix said that his one bit of dating advice would be that you date only if that person has characteristics you would like to see in your future spouse. Always remember your dignity and all the virtues so that Our Lord can be with you in your dating experience and give you wisdom to see what is best. 

My last few words of advice would be that you understand and realize how loved you are even though you may not be in a relationship, or if you are in one that you know you deserve someone who will protect you and lead you to Heaven. They should love your heart and want to cherish every single part of it. Also, in their desire to capture your heart they should want to protect you in both body and spirit. I have never known such authentic love than to see the person who is seeking my heart also choose to die to himself in the flesh, ah how beautiful! This sacrifice will be the single greatest gift. To love one another means that you will have to make sacrifices but a verse that I try to keep in mind when reflecting on ways that I can give selflessly more in my relationship is in Proverbs 31:12 where it says, "She brings him good and not harm all the days of her life."   

Keep your eyes fixed on Christ and be so hidden in Him that your future spouse will have to seek Him to find you.... 

"And so it was...that she; having waited long and endured patiently, realized and obtained what God had promised." Hebrews 6:15 

Dress to Impress

So I'm a girl....

I take FOREVER to get ready. Just talk to the man who raised me and 3 other girls! There were so many times that he would wait on Sunday mornings patiently at 10:55 for us to get in the car and finally head to 11:00 o' clock Mass... yes we were those girls.

The part that I always struggle with is maintaining a fashionable style AND continuing to be modest.
While we're in the midst of fashion trends that are surfacing like crop tops and bandeau's I want to give you some tips that could help in your shopping or give you some alternative ideas!

Dress to Impress.... Princess Duty 101

• First and foremost remember that although appearances may feel super important please know that it is not what identifies you as a person. Others may admire your beauty but your identification isn't in the makeup you wear, or the jeans you buy. Rather, your identity is the beautiful heart that belongs to Our Lord. In 1 Peter 3:3, "It is not fancy hair, gold jewelry, or fine clothes that should make you beautiful. No, your beauty should come from within you- the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. This beauty will never disappear, and it is worth very much to God."
• Remember that you are the daughter of the King of Kings! This means that dressing appropriately does not just stay within the castle walls (or church) but should be expected in other places like school, campus, or work. 
• On to some fashion tips for modesty...Layering is always good! You don't have to wear like 10 layers but its never wrong to wear a camisole under a tank top and finish it off with a cute cardigan and belt! Also make sure to add some fun accessories like scarves :) Here's an example of some cute layering that will give you an idea of what I'm talking about...

              

• Well... skirts and dresses. It's best if you get a length that is at your knees. If you're like me that means that it is this awkward tee length dress that never looks too great. I have found a pretty great solution to this problem! About a month ago I made a trip to my local thrift store and got dresses and skirts. After purchasing those I went to Hobby Lobby and got some elastic. Afterwards, I went home and started cutting and making maxi skirts that actually fit me! Guess how much? 8 dollars! It's really easy and all you need are some scissors, a long dress, elastic, and liquid stitch. Here's an example of a couple that I made...

   

• I haven't tried this with shorts yet but a few of my friends have gotten old jeans from the thrift store, cut them to an appropriate length, and just sewed maybe some lace to add a flare to the clothing. 
• Make your modest clothing YOUR OWN! If you're going to be modest than you might as well have fun thinking up new creative ideas for it! :) There tends to be a stigma about modest clothing that it means you have to look like a grandma even though you're only 18 or 20 years old, but the reality is that the more you look into the creativity of modest clothing the more it allows for innovation and thinking to come into play with something as modern as fashion! So..... have fun! 
• My final bit of advice?? Be confident! Believe and know what is said in Song of Songs 4:7, "You are altogether beautiful my love; there is no flaw in you." 

Here are some other cute ideas to create your very own #modestishottestcloset:

          

In my Father's Vineyard...

Just to begin, I'm not sure if I included this in my last post but I am a student at Colorado State University which is a public school in Fort Collins, Colorado. Just 10 minutes away from the center of campus is Blessed John the 23rd University Parish that administers to Catholic students and brings them the joy of being Catholic by providing tons of different programs and ministries for the students to get involved in. Within that umbrella is a ministry called the Fellowship of Catholic University Students, or more commonly know as FOCUS, which brings full time missionaries in for the purpose of setting campus on fire for Jesus Christ and the Catholic faith. Eventually those who attend FOCUS bible studies can become disciples and lead their own study which consists of plenty of prayer time, coffee, and meeting some amazing men and women who desire to know more about Our Lord in the Scriptures.  

My Freshman year of college when I first said 'yes' to becoming a disciple within FOCUS I didn't really understand what I was saying 'yes' to.

I was saying yes to....

nights of complete desolation and feeling like I have nothing to offer. 

I was saying yes to....

intense time in holy hours trying to contemplate Our Lord in the mysteries of the Gospels and how to best explain his wonderful majesty. 

I was saying yes to....

lifelong friendships.

I was saying yes to....

giving of myself... truly giving...and having a passion so deep of wanting people to desire Heaven. 

I was saying yes to labor.

BUT....

Like any average college kid I get very tired. Very fast.

It very well could be for the fact that I have chosen to procrastinate on my history 339 paper that was due at 11:00 am or the big Spanish test I have to review for. (You college pals know what I'm talking about)

Anyway, even though the mission for evangelizing on campus is so worthwhile and absolutely incredibly I still ask Our Lord, "Why? Why me? I know nothing. What do I have to offer?"

On this September day I was yet again drawn to the church in hope to find peace because these questions that were so filled with fear and doubt plagued my heart again. Our Lord replied to my anxiousness and feelings of fear with one beautiful phrase...

He simply said to me...

"Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me?" 

Wow. What a loving Father we have that in times of distress and hopelessness He leans over and says simply, 'You belong to me...' 

This scripture passage in Matthew 20 gave me a glimpse into my own selfishness and temptation especially in that, like all human beings, we all desire to govern ourselves. 

There's such a freedom in giving yourself entirely to Our Lord and being at His disposal. Although there is a lot of fear, isn't there? We are fearful of what God is going to ask of us. What He will require us to do with our talents and how uncomfortable that may feel. 

But as Paul puts it, "Yet He is not far from each one of us, for in Him, we live and move and have our being." 

God made you and breathed His very life in to you! If you place your hand over your chest you feel a beating heart, and this heart was made and formed in a beautiful way that Our Lord knows in every way. You belong to Him!

Do not be afraid of what God asks of you because He will make you more than ready for the task at hand! God will ask of you things that may frighten you, tire you, and bring you discomfort. But He will be with you each step of the way working and laboring in the vineyard.  

Being a FOCUS student missionary comes with intimidation but also with beautiful opportunities to labor and work to build the Kingdom of Heaven. There will be days that it is hard to understand why He has given me the task that He has, but as it says in John 15:16,

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit--fruit that will last--and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you." 

Out Lord taught me that I need to step outside myself and not only look at my feelings but the feelings of others around me, therefore, I will learn how best to serve and give freely while expecting nothing in return.
To belong to Christ is to live for Him. This is the greatest freedom of all because it is that which leads to Heaven.... St. Agnes said it beautifully, "Christ has made my soul beautiful with the jewels of grace and virtue. I belong to Him Whom the Angels serve."

Keep Calm and Trust in God.

Feeling like a Newbie

First Post.

The nervousness hits as I begin banging on the keys just waiting for some brilliant thought to hit me, and thinking of every phrase as a writing on my soul. I am very new to this blogging thing! The reality? In the next week or two the only people who will most likely see this will be my family and close friends. Either way! I am going to begin by introducing myself.

My name is Kileen Willis and I am a young Catholic girl trying to get a handle on being a sister, aunt, daughter, girlfriend, student, and friend. I am a Colorado native and have enjoyed growing up with a family of three older sisters and an inspiring Mom and Dad. My story is pretty simple. I am your typical cradle Catholic. Grew up in the faith and have always been surrounded by it. 

I went to a private elementary and middle school but made the transition to a public school when switching to high school. The transition from private to public school was an awkward one. It was full of standing at the beginning of class only to remember that prayer to start was not a regular practice, it was the awkwardness in conversation while trying to understand references to "gettin' some", or "they hooked up" that I was unaware of. As a fourteen year old I could remember just the year before as I was kneeling in front of Our Lord in Adoration for third period. Adoration for third period! If only... IF ONLY... I could have appreciated those times more. 

Because very soon I realized that I was walking into a world where many didn't want our Lord to exist.... high school.

All of the things in high school were so new and as a freshman I loved them! For once I could wear earrings that dangled, dress in whatever clothes I wanted, chew gum, and even wear makeup. What freedom I felt! The thing was... as I got older I realized more and more the lovely life I had while at my private school. I could enjoy the bountiful love of Jesus in the Eucharist every Friday, along with every Thursday I could sit and meditate with Him in Adoration. I could be safe in the comfort of never having to defend my Catholic faith because everyone around me was Catholic. High School offered the world, but as I furthered myself in this world I realized how much I wanted that which could give me Heaven instead... Jesus. 

Do you want to talk about something 'new'? 

Loving and following Jesus in the midst of the world. 

This lifestyle was and continues to be so new and radical in schools today. So I urge that if you want to do something 'radical' with your life? Love Jesus and follow Him. He was a radical dude that when asked how often we should forgive our brothers He said, "Not seven, I tell you, but seventy-seven times."

This gets to my next point...

If you want to follow Our Lord but you are nervous about feeling 'too far gone', please don't. God wants you wherever you are at. The reality is that He has been waiting for twenty one centuries in a Tabernacle for you to come back to Him. Receive the joy, love, and mercy that is found in the Sacraments. 

Go to Confession.

You know the best feeling I have found in relation to feeling new? After I have gone to confession.

Our Lord creates in you a new soul. A new creation. A new love. And a new purpose.

Go out and seek Him.

See! Being new at something is always worth it...