How Swing Dancing Changed My Outlook on Relationships

So one of my boyfriend and I's favorite things to do is to go swing dancing.
It's a time to just let loose, swing each other around, and have a grand old time making up our own very interesting dance moves.
This week was interesting because I had the opportunity to go to a girls night at my parish where our FOCUS missionary was teaching a large group of girls how to swing dance. Seems odd, right? A whole bunch of girls swing dancing with no boys as dance partners. But the more Katherine talked about the importance of dance and being able to teach a man how to lead, the more I understood the immensely important lesson I was going to learn. All of us women talked about the fact that we need to look for spouses who can dance with us and more importantly lead us. They are someone who you can have loads of fun with but yet still learn new ways to follow. As women we, like many things in our relationships with men, receive so much. I mean thinking about this in regards to our own sexuality even! The men give and the women receive. This is also true in dancing. You need both people to be giving. In the case of men they need to be leaders. And you need the women to be able to receive- or be able to follow. Both the man and the woman need to be willing to serve each other in the way that they were intended to do so and be willing to work as a team in order to both reap the same benefits... in this case? Have one heck of a fun time dancing with your partner.

Miscommunication or lack of communication can be extremely tough on a couple...
Trust me.
One night, for some odd reason I was particularly peeved and had decided to not talk to my boyfriend... therefore a majority of the car ride driving over to Sundance (the place we go to swing dance) I remained silent and stubborn to any conversation. He would make a joke or two and I would chuckle a little but only to return back to my awkward silence.
Finally, we made it to the dancing place and I was excited to let my stubbornness roll off and have some fun dancing with my guy.
But see at this point my silence had been hurting him and causing him to have some pent up anger.
You can probably guess what happened.... we were a mess on the dance floor.
While we were first dancing neither of us were smiling and we were just going through the motions. I was being spun into people and off the dance floor, while he wasn't getting any warmth or support from me. I was being the worst possible follower and had caused us to studder step more than once.
I could see that it just wasn't going well for us so we stepped off to actually talk.
Then... my dear friends...we figured out our missteps.
It was a lack of communication that was bothering both of us and we weren't unified as a team. This was our problem. Normally, we are both warm and can laugh about any mistake that we make on the dance floor, and even on occasion make that mistake turn into some positive new dance move that only we use. But we were both silently angry at each other while first arriving and that led to my own lack of trust in his ability to lead (that's why I was struggling following) and his own frustration which was displayed by me being run into people. An outside factor to this was also that it was super crowded.
What we learned goes beyond dancing but cuts to the heart about our relationship. When we aren't communicating with one another, we aren't being the best possible partners for each other in that moment.

After having resolved our communication difficulties..... it helped tremendously.
Don't get me wrong! There was still the occasional run in with another couple or awkward turn. But the important thing is that we were ourselves and laughing about it when mistakes came. We were able to learn from them and dance the next step even better.

See... we still are going to make mistakes. We will never be the absolute perfect dance partners. What matters is that we move forward from our mistakes and not get bogged down to the point where we may not even want to dance at all. Because to be honest? My boyfriend is dance partner for life material. Someone that goes beyond to ensure the salvation of my soul by leading me to Christ. He leads and I follow not because it's the easiest thing to do- but because it's the right thing to do.

...When I'm with you, I know who I am and who I wanna be... -Ben Rector

Some People Are Climbing the Stairway to Heaven...I'm Just Trying to Make it to the First Step

Friends! First, I am asking for prayers as I continue my consecration to Jesus through Mary!
Struggling hardcore and have thought 9 days (out of the 10 I have done) of just giving up. 
Praise be Jesus Christ I haven't yet!

Curious as to what has kept me going?
Mary.
For some odd reason my curiosity of Our Lady grows with each day, and my desire to be like her increases with it.
She was pure, beautiful, and magnified Our Lord.

Where am I?
I'm more of a Mary Magdalene.

I am broken, imperfect, impatient, and selfish.
I seek the world.
I have past mistakes that haunt me and tell me that I will never be free from my sin.

What I have grown to understand is that even Mary Magdalene, although broken and imperfect, was brought to the Resurrection. Christ appeared to her first despite her failings. Mary Magdalene's story is one of tremendous redemption and shows that no matter where we have been Christ's love knows no bounds. In John 20:11-18 we see that Mary was at the tomb and noticed that the stone had been rolled back and Jesus' body wasn't laid in the tomb. Immediately she begins to weep and panic at where her Lord had gone. She turns around and Christ says to her, "Woman why are you weeping? Of whom do you seek?". Mary begins to cry again and says, "Sir if you have taken the body of my Lord please return Him to me..." thinking that Christ was the gardener. Then with simplicity and love Christ says just one more word...." Mary."
Imagine.
Sometimes I find myself searching and searching for Christ but I get caught in my own selfishness and refuse to actually see Him. I know that's when he just gently says as he did to Mary, "Kileen".

This time of consecration is a time of being open to Christ and actually seeing Him.
He's breaking down barriers and showing me His true divine self through being able to witness my own life through the life of Mary Magdalene. She grew in love, purity, and beauty because of her love for Christ and learned true to devotion from Our Lady who she spent time in friendship with. They watched the Passion of Our Lord unfold together. Ultimately, Mary Magdalene is a Saint now in Heaven because of her response to Christ's call to mercy and forgiveness. Being able to move forward in our relationship with Christ means first forgiving ourselves and accepting His mercy to live our lives as the Saints we are called to be.

Forgive yourself.

"Still my heart, pull me close, let me hear a still small voice." -Audrey Assad "Restless"

Saint Mary Magdalene, pray for us!

Sticks and Stones May Break my Bones....

But words will never hurt me.

This is false. Words really hurt.

It says in scripture time and time again the importance of attention to the words we speak as to not harm our neighbor, and that words have power to both give life AND destroy the spirit.
How powerful, right? Our words have the capability to both give life and to destroy. That's intense.

Let me tell you.... this week has been actually pretty exhausting. Spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I feel pretty drained. But in all things we must praise Christ! What makes this feeling worthwhile is that I realize that I am exhausted because of following through with what Christ needed from me this week. I listened, empathized, and cried... In all of those things He just wanted to be an instrument of love to others who were feeling torn down.

Words.

Over the passed week I have witnessed them bring hope to the hopeless, acknowledge past wounds and in doing so make steps towards healing, give light to some shadow of darkness, restore faith in despair, and finally... reiterate love.
Unfortunately, I have also been witness to the power they have to hurt and break the spirit.

Our words are very powerful and shouldn't be taken lightly because as it says in Proverbs 15: 1, "There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
We have to make sure that we use our words to build up one another and not tear each other down.

When you feel hurt simply repeat this in your head, "Lord I pray for the conversion of their heart, but first begin with mine."

 

Worth Fighting For

As human beings we are biologically set to either "fight" or "flight". It is in our nature. 

What inclines us to fight? Or to run away in flight?

Sometimes in relationships we struggle with this very question... should I fight or flight?

Upon being witness to new relationships beginning and others ending I began to ask myself this very question. I couldn't help but grow frustrated at seeing someone who I love dearly struggle with the fact that she felt like she hadn't been fought for and that her boyfriend refused to try to make them work. The part that I was frustrated with was that she deserved to be fought for and her heart deserved to be cherished. 

Another question followed...Where should men learn to be men and fight for the women they love?

This would be my advice: 

Learn from the very man who invented love.

He was a man who came to earth only to set those He loved free. He came and brought a calm to storms, fed 5,000 with one loaf of bread and a fish, walked on water, cured the sick, gave sight to the blind, and brought the dead back to life. 

His love was so deep that it brought Him to His very death. This death wasn't peaceful or fast... it was slow and painful. He fought so hard that blood began to fall to the ground in droplets of sweat as He thought of the death He was to endure. True love was displayed on Calvary. We should learn how to fight for love in Christ who hoped in love, fought for love, and died for love.

Plus you know what? 

You were worth it. 

You deserve to be fought for and not fought with. Find someone that will love you at your worst and arms that will hold you at your weakest. Because how wonderful it is when you find the person who can laugh with you, inspire you, and simply give you that reassuring hug that say's he's fighting- and will continue to fight for you. The way Our Savior has and continues to do for us....

                                         

-----> Special thank you to the guy who inspired this post. I'm so blessed to have you as an example in my life.

I Lived with 50 Servant Sisters... #StuffCatholicsSay

When I was younger and first began to learn about the religious life I remember picturing nuns like this.....

                                                         

Or like this..... 

Do you know who this is?

                                                   

Yes you got it! That is Julie Andrews as Maria from the Sound of Music! 

When I was younger I was able to see the Sound of Music at the Buell Theatre in Denver and at intermission of the show I leaned over to my Mom and said, "you know Mama I think I want to be a nun when I grow up." You can guess what happened after the last half of the show... I wanted to get married. My perception of the religious life was that it was a life of boredom where you couldn't have fun, there was no singing, no playing the guitar, and you wouldn't be able to have children. The problem was that I basing my knowledge of the religious life completely on a musical. Not on reality.

The reality of this vocation is so incredibly beautiful and I got to experience it first hand when I spent two weeks in Cantabria, Spain with the Home of the Mother this past summer. 

           

   
                                                    

Jenna (my sister) and I with our good friend Sister Morgan

The Sisters weren't rigid, scary, or boring. They all had their own personalities and talents that they now use in the convent or residing communities to build the Kingdom of God. (Yes... they could sing, dance, and play the guitar if they wanted!) They have a light in them that spills over and inspires you to find what gives them this happiness and kindness. What is that?

Joy. Pure Joy.

This joy is what they received when becoming a bride of Christ. They offered their whole lives not to hide away from reality or because they were afraid of the world but rather because they were called to serve Our Lord in a radical way and GIVE to the world a hope that we can only attain through Christ. 

What I can tell you about my brief time living with the Servant Sisters was that it was a time of intense self sacrifice. Even in the little things. I was forced to get ready in promptly 15 minutes, shower every other day, rarely get hot water, and have a collection of 3 shirts and 3 pants I could switch to a from for the entire two weeks. I know it sounds so selfish of me to explain these materialistic things but it's vital that you know this in order to know my slow transition near the end of my trip. This self sacrifice wasn't only in the little parts of getting ready for the day but it was part of every minute of every day. We would eat at 8 am, then at 2 pm, and finally at 9:30 pm. Let me tell you guys... ALL of the Sisters could hear how hungry I was as we went throughout our work because my stomach growl could be heard from a mile away. It was an interesting part of European living that both my sister and I struggled getting used to. Our work was another way that we were able to sacrifice for Our Lord because I am normally such a planner that I enjoy knowing a week in advance what my next week will look like... I mean let's be real... I have my next 2 years planned out 'perfectly'. The idea of not even being able to know what work I would be doing the next day was SO tough. Not only for the fact of being able to mentally prepare for what I would have to do for the next day but I also wanted to be able to physically prepare for the next work day because most of the time we were laboring. The physical labor was hard to get used and some nights I had never loved laying in a bed so much. 

Every minute, day, and hour sacrifices. 

In all the sacrifice there was also an extreme amount of love.

The Sister's did everything out of such joy and love for Our Lord that it seemed to sometimes lessen the pain of working hard and laboring in the garden, or make time fly swiftly as we made magazines. Another absolutely beautiful piece of this work was that every minute was focused on Our Lord and we were able to have an incredible amount of time with Him. While spending more time with Him I was able to love His Mother that much more and increase my devotion to her. When we were making lunch one day with Sister Marina she began by saying, "The first thing you must do before preparing the Spanish tortilla would be to pray that Our Lady could be with us in the kitchen and help us prepare a good meal." How simple. 

Our Lady was the model for our way of living. I learned that Our Lady is like the moon and Our Lord is like the sun. The earth wouldn't exist without the sun but the moon reflects that which the sun so perfectly gives. Jesus NEEDED Mary because she reflects His love to the world and is a shining light in the darkness of the world. Mary is our aid in order to get to Our Lord. We began our day with Jesus and ended it with Him which gave us strength each and everyday to continue working hard and sacrificing- we knew there was a purpose to it all. 

My heart needed this time of self sacrifice.The days passed and the idea of getting ready in 15 minutes got easier, showers became a lovely gift, and cold water was a time of repentance and prayer. I was slowly making a transition from a "me centered" world to a "God centered" one. My heart was like the story in the book of Hosea. The story goes that Hosea was told by God to marry a prostitute and listening to God he did just that, but the problem was the she would run away from him and return to her old ways.But each time Hosea would run after her and bring her back home.

Our Lord had to take me out into the wilderness to learn love again in order to be at home with Him. Early one morning during holy hour I came upon that exact reading, "But look, I am going to bring her and lead her into the desert and speak to her heart. 17 There I shall give her back her vineyards, and make the Vale of Achor a gateway of hope. There she will respond as when she was young, as on the day when she came up from Egypt." 

That was me.

He just wanted me to respond to Him and return back to His love and out of my own selfishness.

I just had to live a life of self sacrifice for two weeks.... that's it. 

I fell in love with Our Lord all over again because, while living with these women who had devoted their entire life to their relationship with Him, He was at the forefront of everything we did. It was through the example of the Servant Sisters that I wasn't going to be afraid of what my relationship with Christ might mean, and the sacrifices I may have to make. The fact was that Jesus called me back to simply be His daughter and soak in His goodness. 

Don't be afraid to look into ALL the beautiful vocations. If you are meant to be a wife, consecrated, or bride of Christ- it will all be for the glory of He who made you. He created your heart and will give you whatever strength necessary to live out your vocation. 

Trust in Him.

Pinterest is Planning My Wedding... All I Need is the Groom

Girls... you ALL know what I'm talking about! The tendency to open up that Pinterest page and immediately be looking at the wedding boards. For those of you who do not have a Pinterest.... I say to you both good job and I'm sorry! 

I got my Pinterest account when I was a freshman in college and didn't realize the commitment I was making upon receiving an invitation to officially "sign up". This was a commitment to procrastination, crafty ideas, and also loads upon loads of pins planning my future wedding. A wedding I was no where close to having. Don't get me wrong! Pinterest is awesome for valuable information towards 'do it yourself' crafts, recipes, fashion trends, and many more. But something I struggle with greatly is making sure that as I pin, especially in regards to looking at the wedding boards, that I keep my heart open to God's will.

Near the beginning of when my sweet boyfriend and I started dating he just happened to get on my Pinterest account and to his dismay he found my wedding board. I was a little embarrassed and tried to hide it from him, but it was of no use. The kid is smart. Both astonished at the number of pins and extremely nervous because we had only been dating for a month or so I reassured him that I made that board a long time ago. Some reassurance huh? This probably made him feel more uncomfortable. I found that as our relationship grew and started to become more serious and marriage got brought up it seemed to have a stigma that it was something that I wanted from him merely to get all the glitz, glam, and romance to have my perfect 'Pinterest wedding'. I needed the groom to fit into my cookie cutter wedding. This made me so sad because the last thing I wanted him to feel, especially as we started to realize God's plan for us together, was that he was just a 'fill in' and it didn't matter who it was as long as I could get married in the near future. The thing was? I gave him a completely valid reason to thinking this because of my obsession over weddings on my Pinterest. In reality I knew he wasn't just a 'fill in' but because of my lack of emotional chastity on Pinterest I could have been at serious risk of losing the one thing (or person) I had been praying for most. This is when I really began to reevaluate my own emotional chastity in regards to Pinterest.

First, let me explain emotional chastity and why it's so hard for girls. Chastity is a virtue that involves becoming a master over your own desires or wants for the sake of Heaven. Chastity is heavily regarded and mostly looked at in the physical nature but the reality is that it involves our mind and imagination just as much as it involves our body. Men are visual creatures and tend to struggle with physical chastity more, whereas women are more sensual and struggle with emotional chastity. Emotional chastity can be wanting to share the entire depths of your heart or planning your wedding with a guy you've just met. Both of these things apply. The reason why women struggle with emotional chastity is because we are naturally a lot more in tune  to our emotions than guys and desire love... not as much sex. Girls still struggle with physical chastity too but as Father John Nepil said when he was talking about emotional chastity, "Girls give sex in order to have love and guys give love in order to have sex." It's the reality of how we were made and these aren't bad things! We just have to place them in the right context of marriage. 

Pinterest in it of itself is a good thing! It isn't bad! But when we take it and use it to make all the planning for God before we truly know the plan ourselves we get into some trouble. For the sake of the person that you are with (or will be with) always remember that they are more than a cookie cutter piece that fits in your plan! They are gift that God has sent you to reach Heaven because marriage is supposed to lead the two people to Our Lord. Trust me, as a girl who struggled (and continues to struggle) with this aspect of emotional chastity I can say that my future spouse is absolutely worth it! Just as the male in the relationship sacrifices and dies to himself physically we cannot be short of making sacrifices as well. 

A few pins here and there isn't a bad thing but when it consumes your time and thoughts then it's time to take a step back from pinning and maybe have a Pinterest fast for a few weeks. Another suggestion is to create a board that puts things in preparing your heart for your husband. It can include pictures of couples, quotes, or steps into creating a stable relationship with a center focused on God. That can be a fun way to involve your relationship in the Pinterest world. 

Have fun! But keep your heart open to the will of God because He will give you the desires of your heart... and has a plan far greater than the one we plan for ourselves.... Just trust in His goodness. 

"Create in me a clean heart, oh God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10

So.... I Hate Being Single

We've all had those moments.

Moments where our attention can only seem to see every hand holding, laughing, and adorable couple walking down the street or on campus. Well if anyone has not had those moments I SURELY did growing up. A few months ago I was meeting a friend for coffee and after explaining her beautiful journey she's going through with our Lord, I asked the dreaded question... "How are you doing with relationships?" Immediately I knew exactly what she was feeling because of her facial expression, and like her to, I didn't like being single. She told me of how people were trying to make her feel better by saying,"You have to be completely content by yourself before he will come!", and of course the classic, "Awe honey don't worry it was when I least expected him to come that he came into my life...I'm sure that will happen with you!'". After telling me this I completely empathized because I had been through all of that! I knew exactly where she was coming from so I simply looked at her and said..."It sucks doesn't it."

We both burst out into laughter at the bluntness of my phrasing... but in fact sometimes we just have to tell it like it is. We aren't doing anyone any favors if we don't tell them the honest truth, especially if we have gone through the experience before! 

I explained to her when I was told those exact same things that my understanding of this was that I had to not expect him to come into my life, right? Well in 'not expecting' I was trying to 'expect the unexpected' and grew frustrated over the whole process because I was in fact 'expecting'. Goodness. What confusion! For all you ladies who are single and desiring the vocation of marriage but are growing frustrated.... you're not alone! Here are a few things I hope that can help while you live out your call in a season of singleness.

First, please know that you're not alone in feeling that sense of hopelessness. It is easy to look at our relationships between one another and completely rely on them for our happiness but the best advice I can give you is to fall in love first with Our Lord and then with your future spouse. Honestly? He will teach you how to love purely, honestly, and wholly. Which you will need once you get in a relationship. Enjoy that time with our Lord and when you get frustrated or lonely, rush to the tabernacle and sit with Him. Tell Him of your struggles and pray for an increase in virtues. You will learn to love more fully if you love Him who made you, created you, and gave life to you. 

Second, enjoy and pray during your season of singleness. Notice that? I called it a season because, like all of the seasons, if you are called to the vocation of marriage your season of singleness will end. It is vital that you get time to truly know who you are and what God is calling you to do prior to entering into a relationship where you will need to be selfless. In this season of singleness it is OK to worry about yourself and be working with Our Lord on yourself! I know that it was wonderful for me to be able to be selfish in my love for Christ because then I just wanted to share it that much more with someone else, and through His love I am able to work towards a sacrificial love in my relationship and give to that person the way Christ gave to me. 

Third, love is natural. The love of Our God flows so naturally because we were created for that love. In the same way you will be called to naturally love your future spouse! I thought that love would be the way it is depicted in movies and songs, but in reality that is something that looks like love but isn't authentic love. 

You should strive for authentic love which is being able to sacrifice for your future spouse... even if you don't know who it is. During this time of waiting offer up every bit of suffering, loneliness, and sadness for the sanctity of their soul. And that as you prepare yourself for the day they will come into your life so too will they be doing the same for you.

Fourth, Father Dave Nix said that his one bit of dating advice would be that you date only if that person has characteristics you would like to see in your future spouse. Always remember your dignity and all the virtues so that Our Lord can be with you in your dating experience and give you wisdom to see what is best. 

My last few words of advice would be that you understand and realize how loved you are even though you may not be in a relationship, or if you are in one that you know you deserve someone who will protect you and lead you to Heaven. They should love your heart and want to cherish every single part of it. Also, in their desire to capture your heart they should want to protect you in both body and spirit. I have never known such authentic love than to see the person who is seeking my heart also choose to die to himself in the flesh, ah how beautiful! This sacrifice will be the single greatest gift. To love one another means that you will have to make sacrifices but a verse that I try to keep in mind when reflecting on ways that I can give selflessly more in my relationship is in Proverbs 31:12 where it says, "She brings him good and not harm all the days of her life."   

Keep your eyes fixed on Christ and be so hidden in Him that your future spouse will have to seek Him to find you.... 

"And so it was...that she; having waited long and endured patiently, realized and obtained what God had promised." Hebrews 6:15