True Love | Daddy Edition

Following my previous post about my Mom, I have decided to also write about the first man I ever loved, my Daddy. Wayne Willis.

A few years ago my family and I were gathered around the table enjoying a delicious breakfast (at Village Inn) to celebrate my Daddy on Father's Day. I had the 'brilliant' idea that we could all go in a circle and talk about our favorite memory with our Dad.
Yes. This was a terrible idea.
I live with 5 women. Wait...  let me correct myself... I live with 5 very emotional women.
None of us could make it through our memories without breaking down in tears.
What made us cry wasn't just the hormones (I know that comes as a shock) but it was because Daddy's role in our lives was more than just being a financial teacher, but he showed us the love of a Father and taught us how firm love...is always true love.

What do I mean by firm love?
Firm love strengthens you. It's the love that is both merciful and just. It's the love that will sometimes be hard on you, but only to make you better. It's the kind of love that pushes you to respect your own dignity, even if it's difficult to hear. It's the kind of love that pushes you to practice what you preach. Finally, its the kind of love that doesn't stop making sacrifices.

My Dad loves me with a firm love.
In the bear hugs I would receive when I was little and my Dad would come home from work.
When I danced the father-daughter dance with him at my Quincenera and he had to tighten his grip to make sure I was following him.
And when I came home for the first time after having left for college and he held me a little tighter.

My Dad's love is also firm in that he never hesitates to say I love you.
His love is firm when he makes sure that what we wear accurately reflects our dignity and ensures our own desire for modesty.
His love is firm when he teaches us about automobiles and how to fix our own problems.
His love is firm in pushing us and allowing us to receive a higher education.
His love is firm when he discusses budgeting and finances.
Ultimately, his love is firm in that he loves us too much to keep us where we are at.

All of those things are qualities that have ultimately led to my deeper understanding of God the Father.
Our Lord loves us with a firm love that requires both justice and mercy. When we fall and make mistakes He is there to be just, but to do it all out of love. It always helps when I approach my prayer with God the Father the same way I would approach any conversation I would have with my Dad. Even in the little things by called God an endearing name like "Daddy".

No matter how old I get I will always be "daddy's baby girl". Even the inevitable day when he walks me down the aisle he won't be walking me down to "give me away" but will be entrusting my heart, that he had cherished first, to another. This is the greatest lesson I ever learned from the man I loved first.... that selfish love- isn't love at all. It is the giving of self in the big and little things that is love. True selfless love is the firm love that builds a family. This is evident in God the Father who sent His only son to die on a cross.

(Just like my previous post)
Hug your Dad. Recognize the firms arms around you.
Recognize that these are the arms that held you when you were a baby, the ones that held you in joy and in sadness, and the ones that worked day and night to provide for you.
A Father's arms went so far as to lay outstretched on a tree and die for the sake of your soul. Therefore, if your Father is no longer here on earth or has not taken his role of Fatherhood seriously, develop your relationship with Our Father in Heaven.

Thank you Wayne Willis for being a prime example of the quote by St. Thomas Aquinas... "Give expecting nothing thereof."

You will always be the first man I ever loved.

True Love | Mama Edition

First of all thank you for your continued prayers during this time of consecration to Jesus through Mary! I know that they are really helping and I have continued my journey through these 33 days of reflection and prayer!

As I am doing this consecration I have been growing in my love and curiosity of Mary, Our Mother. In height of that I decided I would like to write a little bit about my own Mama, JoAnn Willis.
In case you all don't know her.... she's the bomb.

My Mama has been such a vital role model in my life. She has been with me through it all... I mean IT ALL.
She was there when I lost my first tooth.
She was there when I went through my very first break up.
She was there and continued to call me beautiful even though I was in middle school. And awkward.
She was there when I struggled with friends in middle school.
She was there in high school when I was going through the "difficult teen" stage.
She was there when I went on my first date... and hated it.
She was there to take me out of school to go see a movie... all while telling the school I had a dentist appointment.
She was there when I got my drivers license and drove away for the first time by myself.
She was there during every track meet- no matter the weather.
She was there when I walked on the stage to receive my diploma and graduate high school.
She was there when I packed my bags to head off to college.
She was there when I came home all giddy about a boy named Tim.
She was there in every sad and happy moment- and always there to make me laugh.
She was there when I bought my first legal drink at 21.
She continues to be there for me everyday in the simple things and the big things, you know why? As I have grown up I have realized more and more that I am becoming more like her and wanting to become more like her.

Growing up whenever I was with my Mom there would be strangers and family alike who would say, "oh you look exactly your mom". As I have gotten older the more I realize all that my Mom really does for our family and because of that the more this compliment means to me.
You talk to anyone who knows her they will say that she throws the best parties around, has a deep love for her children and grandchildren, can survive on virtually no sleep, and has a laugh that will make anyone in a room laugh with her. What they don't know, and what I sometimes forget, is how much she truly gives. My mom's day does not revolve around herself but rather those around her because she makes sure that they can live with ease and comfort.
I know that each time she see's us cry, she can see the little girl who just wanted to be picked up and cuddled by her Mom.

More than anything my Mom has taught me to love completely and expect nothing in return. She does this in her faith as she learns to love Christ more even in the midst of tragedy and heart ache. But the most selfless act that my Mom has ever done is when she gave Our Lord her children.
She told us that she realized that we were God's... Our lives would be used for His glory...
What beauty is that? The true gift of self because my Mom went through pain and discomfort to bring me into this world in order to realize that we weren't hers to keep... but God's to use.

Do me a favor.

Hug your Mom. Tight.

If your earthly Mother is no longer with us or she struggles in her role with Motherhood, look to Our Mother in Heaven. She is the model for our Mothers here on earth and begin your relationship with her. She will intercede for you to Christ- and there's not much Jesus will deny His Mother.

Shout out to Mama Mary:

How Swing Dancing Changed My Outlook on Relationships

So one of my boyfriend and I's favorite things to do is to go swing dancing.
It's a time to just let loose, swing each other around, and have a grand old time making up our own very interesting dance moves.
This week was interesting because I had the opportunity to go to a girls night at my parish where our FOCUS missionary was teaching a large group of girls how to swing dance. Seems odd, right? A whole bunch of girls swing dancing with no boys as dance partners. But the more Katherine talked about the importance of dance and being able to teach a man how to lead, the more I understood the immensely important lesson I was going to learn. All of us women talked about the fact that we need to look for spouses who can dance with us and more importantly lead us. They are someone who you can have loads of fun with but yet still learn new ways to follow. As women we, like many things in our relationships with men, receive so much. I mean thinking about this in regards to our own sexuality even! The men give and the women receive. This is also true in dancing. You need both people to be giving. In the case of men they need to be leaders. And you need the women to be able to receive- or be able to follow. Both the man and the woman need to be willing to serve each other in the way that they were intended to do so and be willing to work as a team in order to both reap the same benefits... in this case? Have one heck of a fun time dancing with your partner.

Miscommunication or lack of communication can be extremely tough on a couple...
Trust me.
One night, for some odd reason I was particularly peeved and had decided to not talk to my boyfriend... therefore a majority of the car ride driving over to Sundance (the place we go to swing dance) I remained silent and stubborn to any conversation. He would make a joke or two and I would chuckle a little but only to return back to my awkward silence.
Finally, we made it to the dancing place and I was excited to let my stubbornness roll off and have some fun dancing with my guy.
But see at this point my silence had been hurting him and causing him to have some pent up anger.
You can probably guess what happened.... we were a mess on the dance floor.
While we were first dancing neither of us were smiling and we were just going through the motions. I was being spun into people and off the dance floor, while he wasn't getting any warmth or support from me. I was being the worst possible follower and had caused us to studder step more than once.
I could see that it just wasn't going well for us so we stepped off to actually talk.
Then... my dear friends...we figured out our missteps.
It was a lack of communication that was bothering both of us and we weren't unified as a team. This was our problem. Normally, we are both warm and can laugh about any mistake that we make on the dance floor, and even on occasion make that mistake turn into some positive new dance move that only we use. But we were both silently angry at each other while first arriving and that led to my own lack of trust in his ability to lead (that's why I was struggling following) and his own frustration which was displayed by me being run into people. An outside factor to this was also that it was super crowded.
What we learned goes beyond dancing but cuts to the heart about our relationship. When we aren't communicating with one another, we aren't being the best possible partners for each other in that moment.

After having resolved our communication difficulties..... it helped tremendously.
Don't get me wrong! There was still the occasional run in with another couple or awkward turn. But the important thing is that we were ourselves and laughing about it when mistakes came. We were able to learn from them and dance the next step even better.

See... we still are going to make mistakes. We will never be the absolute perfect dance partners. What matters is that we move forward from our mistakes and not get bogged down to the point where we may not even want to dance at all. Because to be honest? My boyfriend is dance partner for life material. Someone that goes beyond to ensure the salvation of my soul by leading me to Christ. He leads and I follow not because it's the easiest thing to do- but because it's the right thing to do.

...When I'm with you, I know who I am and who I wanna be... -Ben Rector

Some People Are Climbing the Stairway to Heaven...I'm Just Trying to Make it to the First Step

Friends! First, I am asking for prayers as I continue my consecration to Jesus through Mary!
Struggling hardcore and have thought 9 days (out of the 10 I have done) of just giving up. 
Praise be Jesus Christ I haven't yet!

Curious as to what has kept me going?
Mary.
For some odd reason my curiosity of Our Lady grows with each day, and my desire to be like her increases with it.
She was pure, beautiful, and magnified Our Lord.

Where am I?
I'm more of a Mary Magdalene.

I am broken, imperfect, impatient, and selfish.
I seek the world.
I have past mistakes that haunt me and tell me that I will never be free from my sin.

What I have grown to understand is that even Mary Magdalene, although broken and imperfect, was brought to the Resurrection. Christ appeared to her first despite her failings. Mary Magdalene's story is one of tremendous redemption and shows that no matter where we have been Christ's love knows no bounds. In John 20:11-18 we see that Mary was at the tomb and noticed that the stone had been rolled back and Jesus' body wasn't laid in the tomb. Immediately she begins to weep and panic at where her Lord had gone. She turns around and Christ says to her, "Woman why are you weeping? Of whom do you seek?". Mary begins to cry again and says, "Sir if you have taken the body of my Lord please return Him to me..." thinking that Christ was the gardener. Then with simplicity and love Christ says just one more word...." Mary."
Imagine.
Sometimes I find myself searching and searching for Christ but I get caught in my own selfishness and refuse to actually see Him. I know that's when he just gently says as he did to Mary, "Kileen".

This time of consecration is a time of being open to Christ and actually seeing Him.
He's breaking down barriers and showing me His true divine self through being able to witness my own life through the life of Mary Magdalene. She grew in love, purity, and beauty because of her love for Christ and learned true to devotion from Our Lady who she spent time in friendship with. They watched the Passion of Our Lord unfold together. Ultimately, Mary Magdalene is a Saint now in Heaven because of her response to Christ's call to mercy and forgiveness. Being able to move forward in our relationship with Christ means first forgiving ourselves and accepting His mercy to live our lives as the Saints we are called to be.

Forgive yourself.

"Still my heart, pull me close, let me hear a still small voice." -Audrey Assad "Restless"

Saint Mary Magdalene, pray for us!

Sticks and Stones May Break my Bones....

But words will never hurt me.

This is false. Words really hurt.

It says in scripture time and time again the importance of attention to the words we speak as to not harm our neighbor, and that words have power to both give life AND destroy the spirit.
How powerful, right? Our words have the capability to both give life and to destroy. That's intense.

Let me tell you.... this week has been actually pretty exhausting. Spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I feel pretty drained. But in all things we must praise Christ! What makes this feeling worthwhile is that I realize that I am exhausted because of following through with what Christ needed from me this week. I listened, empathized, and cried... In all of those things He just wanted to be an instrument of love to others who were feeling torn down.

Words.

Over the passed week I have witnessed them bring hope to the hopeless, acknowledge past wounds and in doing so make steps towards healing, give light to some shadow of darkness, restore faith in despair, and finally... reiterate love.
Unfortunately, I have also been witness to the power they have to hurt and break the spirit.

Our words are very powerful and shouldn't be taken lightly because as it says in Proverbs 15: 1, "There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
We have to make sure that we use our words to build up one another and not tear each other down.

When you feel hurt simply repeat this in your head, "Lord I pray for the conversion of their heart, but first begin with mine."

 

Worth Fighting For

As human beings we are biologically set to either "fight" or "flight". It is in our nature. 

What inclines us to fight? Or to run away in flight?

Sometimes in relationships we struggle with this very question... should I fight or flight?

Upon being witness to new relationships beginning and others ending I began to ask myself this very question. I couldn't help but grow frustrated at seeing someone who I love dearly struggle with the fact that she felt like she hadn't been fought for and that her boyfriend refused to try to make them work. The part that I was frustrated with was that she deserved to be fought for and her heart deserved to be cherished. 

Another question followed...Where should men learn to be men and fight for the women they love?

This would be my advice: 

Learn from the very man who invented love.

He was a man who came to earth only to set those He loved free. He came and brought a calm to storms, fed 5,000 with one loaf of bread and a fish, walked on water, cured the sick, gave sight to the blind, and brought the dead back to life. 

His love was so deep that it brought Him to His very death. This death wasn't peaceful or fast... it was slow and painful. He fought so hard that blood began to fall to the ground in droplets of sweat as He thought of the death He was to endure. True love was displayed on Calvary. We should learn how to fight for love in Christ who hoped in love, fought for love, and died for love.

Plus you know what? 

You were worth it. 

You deserve to be fought for and not fought with. Find someone that will love you at your worst and arms that will hold you at your weakest. Because how wonderful it is when you find the person who can laugh with you, inspire you, and simply give you that reassuring hug that say's he's fighting- and will continue to fight for you. The way Our Savior has and continues to do for us....

                                         

-----> Special thank you to the guy who inspired this post. I'm so blessed to have you as an example in my life.

I Lived with 50 Servant Sisters... #StuffCatholicsSay

When I was younger and first began to learn about the religious life I remember picturing nuns like this.....

                                                         

Or like this..... 

Do you know who this is?

                                                   

Yes you got it! That is Julie Andrews as Maria from the Sound of Music! 

When I was younger I was able to see the Sound of Music at the Buell Theatre in Denver and at intermission of the show I leaned over to my Mom and said, "you know Mama I think I want to be a nun when I grow up." You can guess what happened after the last half of the show... I wanted to get married. My perception of the religious life was that it was a life of boredom where you couldn't have fun, there was no singing, no playing the guitar, and you wouldn't be able to have children. The problem was that I basing my knowledge of the religious life completely on a musical. Not on reality.

The reality of this vocation is so incredibly beautiful and I got to experience it first hand when I spent two weeks in Cantabria, Spain with the Home of the Mother this past summer. 

           

   
                                                    

Jenna (my sister) and I with our good friend Sister Morgan

The Sisters weren't rigid, scary, or boring. They all had their own personalities and talents that they now use in the convent or residing communities to build the Kingdom of God. (Yes... they could sing, dance, and play the guitar if they wanted!) They have a light in them that spills over and inspires you to find what gives them this happiness and kindness. What is that?

Joy. Pure Joy.

This joy is what they received when becoming a bride of Christ. They offered their whole lives not to hide away from reality or because they were afraid of the world but rather because they were called to serve Our Lord in a radical way and GIVE to the world a hope that we can only attain through Christ. 

What I can tell you about my brief time living with the Servant Sisters was that it was a time of intense self sacrifice. Even in the little things. I was forced to get ready in promptly 15 minutes, shower every other day, rarely get hot water, and have a collection of 3 shirts and 3 pants I could switch to a from for the entire two weeks. I know it sounds so selfish of me to explain these materialistic things but it's vital that you know this in order to know my slow transition near the end of my trip. This self sacrifice wasn't only in the little parts of getting ready for the day but it was part of every minute of every day. We would eat at 8 am, then at 2 pm, and finally at 9:30 pm. Let me tell you guys... ALL of the Sisters could hear how hungry I was as we went throughout our work because my stomach growl could be heard from a mile away. It was an interesting part of European living that both my sister and I struggled getting used to. Our work was another way that we were able to sacrifice for Our Lord because I am normally such a planner that I enjoy knowing a week in advance what my next week will look like... I mean let's be real... I have my next 2 years planned out 'perfectly'. The idea of not even being able to know what work I would be doing the next day was SO tough. Not only for the fact of being able to mentally prepare for what I would have to do for the next day but I also wanted to be able to physically prepare for the next work day because most of the time we were laboring. The physical labor was hard to get used and some nights I had never loved laying in a bed so much. 

Every minute, day, and hour sacrifices. 

In all the sacrifice there was also an extreme amount of love.

The Sister's did everything out of such joy and love for Our Lord that it seemed to sometimes lessen the pain of working hard and laboring in the garden, or make time fly swiftly as we made magazines. Another absolutely beautiful piece of this work was that every minute was focused on Our Lord and we were able to have an incredible amount of time with Him. While spending more time with Him I was able to love His Mother that much more and increase my devotion to her. When we were making lunch one day with Sister Marina she began by saying, "The first thing you must do before preparing the Spanish tortilla would be to pray that Our Lady could be with us in the kitchen and help us prepare a good meal." How simple. 

Our Lady was the model for our way of living. I learned that Our Lady is like the moon and Our Lord is like the sun. The earth wouldn't exist without the sun but the moon reflects that which the sun so perfectly gives. Jesus NEEDED Mary because she reflects His love to the world and is a shining light in the darkness of the world. Mary is our aid in order to get to Our Lord. We began our day with Jesus and ended it with Him which gave us strength each and everyday to continue working hard and sacrificing- we knew there was a purpose to it all. 

My heart needed this time of self sacrifice.The days passed and the idea of getting ready in 15 minutes got easier, showers became a lovely gift, and cold water was a time of repentance and prayer. I was slowly making a transition from a "me centered" world to a "God centered" one. My heart was like the story in the book of Hosea. The story goes that Hosea was told by God to marry a prostitute and listening to God he did just that, but the problem was the she would run away from him and return to her old ways.But each time Hosea would run after her and bring her back home.

Our Lord had to take me out into the wilderness to learn love again in order to be at home with Him. Early one morning during holy hour I came upon that exact reading, "But look, I am going to bring her and lead her into the desert and speak to her heart. 17 There I shall give her back her vineyards, and make the Vale of Achor a gateway of hope. There she will respond as when she was young, as on the day when she came up from Egypt." 

That was me.

He just wanted me to respond to Him and return back to His love and out of my own selfishness.

I just had to live a life of self sacrifice for two weeks.... that's it. 

I fell in love with Our Lord all over again because, while living with these women who had devoted their entire life to their relationship with Him, He was at the forefront of everything we did. It was through the example of the Servant Sisters that I wasn't going to be afraid of what my relationship with Christ might mean, and the sacrifices I may have to make. The fact was that Jesus called me back to simply be His daughter and soak in His goodness. 

Don't be afraid to look into ALL the beautiful vocations. If you are meant to be a wife, consecrated, or bride of Christ- it will all be for the glory of He who made you. He created your heart and will give you whatever strength necessary to live out your vocation. 

Trust in Him.