Mirror Mirror | Jesus & Beauty

I am a 21 year old girl who is trying to maintain modesty in the midst of a world that is filled with models like Miley Cyrus and the Victoria Secret Fashion Show. Sometimes it feels like I'm fighting a battle I won't win. The models will always win out to be the most beautiful, endearing, and eye catching... where as I? Am just your average brunette.
The problem with this thinking is that I am giving the mirror and media way too much control over my self esteem. I am relying on them for my worth and to tell me I'm beautiful. Our worth is found in the one who gave it all. Here's a letter to reflect upon that.
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To my sisters in Christ,

I want you to know that it isn't your hair, jewelry, clothes, or size that determines your worth. If the mirror that you look at says that you're not skinny enough, tall enough, or pretty enough, I'll let you in on a little secret... The mirror is a liar.
It took me a while to understand this because I was relying on what I was seeing in my reflection to be the sole reason for my dignity and beauty. But this is a lie.
You may desire to be sought and chased after and the easy way to see this happen would be to attract a moth to a flame, right? God created women last and why did he do this? Because we are the crown of His creation. We were made to be the most beautiful beings. I mean think about this for one moment... You look at mountains, skylines, and beautiful landscapes and see how magnificent they are! You look at them and see how massive and grand they are and think to yourself "How beautiful God made His creation". Yet when we look at ourselves in the mirror all we see are the flaws, wounds, and "mistakes" in us. The thing is that NONE of that, not even the tallest and most beautiful of mountains, can compare to the beauty that He created in you... His loving daughter.

One of the most beautiful women to ever walk this earth would have not been considered, by the worlds standards, to be 'beautiful'. Although, you ask any person about her and I am sure they would respond that she had a beauty within her that defied any worldly standards of beauty. She could catch someone's eye upon walking into a room and have others desire to mimic her.
This woman was Blessed Mother Teresa.
She was short. She wore a habit so you didn't ever see her hair. In fact, she wore the same thing everyday.
But she was so incredibly beautiful. It was the light of Christ within her and the love that she had for Him that made her soul beautiful and carried on to her outward appearance. She loved Christ with all she had and it truly showed in her appearance!

Your worth is found in Christ. When the mirror lies to you remember your beauty in the eyes of Our Lord. You are beautiful. You are irreplaceable. Your are more magnificent than the most beautiful sunsets, the largest mountains, and the rarest of jewels. Nothing God makes is a mistake or ugly! He loved you until his last breath! So my challenge? Love Him until yours.

This is dedicated specifically to my little 1 year old niece. Remember this, my love. God loves you just as you are.

Surviving the First Year in a Serious Relationship | Do's and Don'ts from a Girl Who Has Learned From Them All

When people ask how long I have been dating my boyfriend it still seems strange saying, "oh... just over a year". Silly, right? Just. Both my boyfriend and I were taken by surprise at our relationship. Even more so because to be honest? We were both pretty dang new at the whole relationship thing. I had 2 (ish) boyfriends before him and he had one girlfriend before me.
Luckily for me I have 3 older sisters, two who are now married and the other in a serious relationship, that I could look to for an idea of how successful relationships work. Along with two loving parents who now celebrate 29 years of blissful marriage.
Doesn't mean that it's always easy.
We still had lessons we had to learn on our own and in doing so we were able to grow significantly in our relationship. Some lessons were harder than others but overall they were all worth it because we were growing and learning together.

Here are my "Do's and Don'ts" for surviving that first year in a serious relationship:

 

Don't

 

 

1. Don't ever get tired of saying I'm sorry and I forgive you.

Sometimes our pride gets in the way and we turn to being so selfish that we aren't truly loving. We need to learn that even though its hard and we may think we are right all the time, we have to take time to forgive and say I'm sorry. To do these two things is remembering that we are human and that we aren't perfect. You will make mistakes but if we know anything from the Oh Hello's it's that, "oh the sun it does not cause us to grow, it is the rain that will strengthen your soul... it will make you whole". (I have made mistakes - The Oh Hello's)

 

2. Don't give your whole heart away right away.

Your heart should be Christ's first and He should be the one to give it away to the person He knows will protect it. The person who deserves your heart will seek Christ in order to get to know your heart even better. Especially as women emotionally chastity can be very difficult but remember to fall in love with Christ first. He will know your heart and place it in the hands of someone worthy.

 

3. Don't give your body away.

Your body is one of the most beautiful gifts that will be given to your husband (or wife), and it is for them alone to unwrap. This doesn't mean that if you have already given away a part of yourself that you can't begin again because you absolutely can! Search for the person who will fight to maintain your dignity and not want to compromise the sanctity of your soul. They won't fight to take away that which is precious but seek to protect it until the proper time.

 

4. Don't be afraid to have difficult conversations.

These are bound to happen. Communication is absolutely vital to a healthy relationship because if you clam up and don't talk about difficult matters they will begin to bottle up and since they were buried so deep the uncovering of these issues will be a painful one. If you refuse to talk about things, like I did many times, it may seem that you are simply giving up. Just as that person is fighting for you it absolutely goes both ways. Fight through the pain or discomfort of talking about difficult things because that person is worth it!

 

5, Don't use your words for anger but only for love.

What we say has a power to either destroy or build up. Be very careful and make sure that what you say is said for the betterment of your significant other, even if this means taking you time to sit and think about what you are going to say do it! Just communicate that you are trying to find the best words and they should be understanding! Communication should bring you as a couple together not tear you apart.

 

6. Don't pressure or seek to control.

There's a difference between being Mary and being Eve. What did Eve do? She controlled the situation and told Adam to eat of the fruit (granted where the heck was Adam to protect Eve from the serpent? But that's for another post). Mary on the other hand gently pointed Jesus to the time and place where he was to begin His ministry- she didn't force Him to turn the water into wine at the wedding of Canaan, but rather gave Him the opportunity to make the decision for Himself. We need to be Mary's to those we love. We shouldn't pressure them for a wedding or control everything they say or do, but rather be there for them and give them opportunities to love and learn. All of this while trusting in the wisdom and plan of Our Lord.

 

7. Don't be selfish.

This relationship is not only about you. It's about the two of you. In a marriage you won't be in it for yourself but for the other person and their pursuit for Heaven. The dating experience is an opportunity for you to practice this selflessness and seek to find ways to better your significant other while bettering yourself for the sake of that person and their salvation.

 

 

Do

 

1. Always have Christ at the center of your relationship.

This is a no brainer! Christ is the reason you are together and so He absolutely has to be included. I have found that praying together, participating in the sacraments like confession, and going to Mass together have been fruitful in good times and bad. When you make mistakes- run to the confessional! It's humbling and necessary to keep your eyes fixed on Heaven.

 





 



2. Go on adventures!
Be spontaneous! Try to do fun dates that both of you are interested in! Personally I'm a homebody who doesn't mind just hanging out and watching movies BUT it's good to go experience life and see the beauty that God created while doing it! Plus... adventure is out there! Go seek it!

3.Discern your vocation wholly and genuinely.
Before getting into any relationship at all discern whether you are called to the vocation of marriage or called to the religious/consecrated life. Please do this before because it will hopefully prevent hurt if you were to decide while in the relationship that you are called to a different vocation. If you are called to the vocation of marriage then actively pursue it in prayer and action! Girls- say yes to dates. It doesn't mean you have to marry the guy but be open to the pursuit. Guys- PURSUE girls. Be courageous.

4. Maintain good friendships with your girlfriends. (or guys with your "boys")
These special people will know whether or not the person you are with is a suitable match for you and will look out for your best interest. Along with the fact that some of them will have good advice for certain situations having had experience with them. My friends and I try to do "girls nights" every month because it allows us some time to catch up but they are also my sisters in Christ so they will keep me accountable. As well as we [women]  need to be ok with our significant others going out and being with just "the boys" for a night. It's also necessary for them and we need to be respectful of that. Have your bridesmaids before you have your groom (as Jason Evert would say).

5. Learn each other's love languages.
We all love in different ways and some times its as if we are speaking another language that is impossible to understand. Try and take the time to learn each other's 'love language' (an awesome book you should definitely read) that way you both can be loving each other and increasing your capacity to love in different ways. For example, my love language is affirmation but my boyfriends is quality time, so I still give him words of affirmation (because that's how I feel loved) but I also try to spend a lot more quality time with him (how he feels loved). This will help you both learn more about each other in the process.

6. Be a good listener.
There are some days where one of you will just need to listen. Be there for one another and don't try to be a "fixer" but simply listen and love. Obviously unless it is a problem that needs to be resolved between the two of you then talk it out. Otherwise just listen and allow them to vent to you. This is one part of being "best friends" with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

7. Finally always... always... have a grateful heart.
It's not going to be easy. This relationship will have its difficult moments (this will continue in marriage as I've been told) but that doesn't mean it won't be worth it. God put this person in your life for a purpose. Always be grateful for the gift God has sent to you, because in all honesty? He didn't have to. Somehow in all of His wisdom He knew that in some way you needed this person to grow and learn. Take every moment to love, laugh, and give. You won't go wrong.

 

 

One year down, many more to go! Please pray for us!