Following my previous post about my Mom, I have decided to also write about the first man I ever loved, my Daddy. Wayne Willis.
A few years ago my family and I were gathered around the table enjoying a delicious breakfast (at Village Inn) to celebrate my Daddy on Father's Day. I had the 'brilliant' idea that we could all go in a circle and talk about our favorite memory with our Dad.
Yes. This was a terrible idea.
I live with 5 women. Wait... let me correct myself... I live with 5 very emotional women.
None of us could make it through our memories without breaking down in tears.
What made us cry wasn't just the hormones (I know that comes as a shock) but it was because Daddy's role in our lives was more than just being a financial teacher, but he showed us the love of a Father and taught us how firm love...is always true love.
What do I mean by firm love?
Firm love strengthens you. It's the love that is both merciful and just. It's the love that will sometimes be hard on you, but only to make you better. It's the kind of love that pushes you to respect your own dignity, even if it's difficult to hear. It's the kind of love that pushes you to practice what you preach. Finally, its the kind of love that doesn't stop making sacrifices.
My Dad loves me with a firm love.
In the bear hugs I would receive when I was little and my Dad would come home from work.
When I danced the father-daughter dance with him at my Quincenera and he had to tighten his grip to make sure I was following him.
And when I came home for the first time after having left for college and he held me a little tighter.
My Dad's love is also firm in that he never hesitates to say I love you.
His love is firm when he makes sure that what we wear accurately reflects our dignity and ensures our own desire for modesty.
His love is firm when he teaches us about automobiles and how to fix our own problems.
His love is firm in pushing us and allowing us to receive a higher education.
His love is firm when he discusses budgeting and finances.
Ultimately, his love is firm in that he loves us too much to keep us where we are at.
All of those things are qualities that have ultimately led to my deeper understanding of God the Father.
Our Lord loves us with a firm love that requires both justice and mercy. When we fall and make mistakes He is there to be just, but to do it all out of love. It always helps when I approach my prayer with God the Father the same way I would approach any conversation I would have with my Dad. Even in the little things by called God an endearing name like "Daddy".
No matter how old I get I will always be "daddy's baby girl". Even the inevitable day when he walks me down the aisle he won't be walking me down to "give me away" but will be entrusting my heart, that he had cherished first, to another. This is the greatest lesson I ever learned from the man I loved first.... that selfish love- isn't love at all. It is the giving of self in the big and little things that is love. True selfless love is the firm love that builds a family. This is evident in God the Father who sent His only son to die on a cross.
(Just like my previous post)
Hug your Dad. Recognize the firms arms around you.
Recognize that these are the arms that held you when you were a baby, the ones that held you in joy and in sadness, and the ones that worked day and night to provide for you.
A Father's arms went so far as to lay outstretched on a tree and die for the sake of your soul. Therefore, if your Father is no longer here on earth or has not taken his role of Fatherhood seriously, develop your relationship with Our Father in Heaven.
Thank you Wayne Willis for being a prime example of the quote by St. Thomas Aquinas... "Give expecting nothing thereof."
You will always be the first man I ever loved.
First of all thank you for your continued prayers during this time of consecration to Jesus through Mary! I know that they are really helping and I have continued my journey through these 33 days of reflection and prayer!
As I am doing this consecration I have been growing in my love and curiosity of Mary, Our Mother. In height of that I decided I would like to write a little bit about my own Mama, JoAnn Willis.
In case you all don't know her.... she's the bomb.
My Mama has been such a vital role model in my life. She has been with me through it all... I mean IT ALL.
She was there when I lost my first tooth.
She was there when I went through my very first break up.
She was there and continued to call me beautiful even though I was in middle school. And awkward.
She was there when I struggled with friends in middle school.
She was there in high school when I was going through the "difficult teen" stage.
She was there when I went on my first date... and hated it.
She was there to take me out of school to go see a movie... all while telling the school I had a dentist appointment.
She was there when I got my drivers license and drove away for the first time by myself.
She was there during every track meet- no matter the weather.
She was there when I walked on the stage to receive my diploma and graduate high school.
She was there when I packed my bags to head off to college.
She was there when I came home all giddy about a boy named Tim.
She was there in every sad and happy moment- and always there to make me laugh.
She was there when I bought my first legal drink at 21.
She continues to be there for me everyday in the simple things and the big things, you know why? As I have grown up I have realized more and more that I am becoming more like her and wanting to become more like her.
Growing up whenever I was with my Mom there would be strangers and family alike who would say, "oh you look exactly your mom". As I have gotten older the more I realize all that my Mom really does for our family and because of that the more this compliment means to me.
You talk to anyone who knows her they will say that she throws the best parties around, has a deep love for her children and grandchildren, can survive on virtually no sleep, and has a laugh that will make anyone in a room laugh with her. What they don't know, and what I sometimes forget, is how much she truly gives. My mom's day does not revolve around herself but rather those around her because she makes sure that they can live with ease and comfort.
I know that each time she see's us cry, she can see the little girl who just wanted to be picked up and cuddled by her Mom.
More than anything my Mom has taught me to love completely and expect nothing in return. She does this in her faith as she learns to love Christ more even in the midst of tragedy and heart ache. But the most selfless act that my Mom has ever done is when she gave Our Lord her children.
She told us that she realized that we were God's... Our lives would be used for His glory...
What beauty is that? The true gift of self because my Mom went through pain and discomfort to bring me into this world in order to realize that we weren't hers to keep... but God's to use.
Do me a favor.
Hug your Mom. Tight.
If your earthly Mother is no longer with us or she struggles in her role with Motherhood, look to Our Mother in Heaven. She is the model for our Mothers here on earth and begin your relationship with her. She will intercede for you to Christ- and there's not much Jesus will deny His Mother.
Shout out to Mama Mary:
So one of my boyfriend and I's favorite things to do is to go swing dancing.
It's a time to just let loose, swing each other around, and have a grand old time making up our own very interesting dance moves.
This week was interesting because I had the opportunity to go to a girls night at my parish where our FOCUS missionary was teaching a large group of girls how to swing dance. Seems odd, right? A whole bunch of girls swing dancing with no boys as dance partners. But the more Katherine talked about the importance of dance and being able to teach a man how to lead, the more I understood the immensely important lesson I was going to learn. All of us women talked about the fact that we need to look for spouses who can dance with us and more importantly lead us. They are someone who you can have loads of fun with but yet still learn new ways to follow. As women we, like many things in our relationships with men, receive so much. I mean thinking about this in regards to our own sexuality even! The men give and the women receive. This is also true in dancing. You need both people to be giving. In the case of men they need to be leaders. And you need the women to be able to receive- or be able to follow. Both the man and the woman need to be willing to serve each other in the way that they were intended to do so and be willing to work as a team in order to both reap the same benefits... in this case? Have one heck of a fun time dancing with your partner.
Miscommunication or lack of communication can be extremely tough on a couple...
Trust me.
One night, for some odd reason I was particularly peeved and had decided to not talk to my boyfriend... therefore a majority of the car ride driving over to Sundance (the place we go to swing dance) I remained silent and stubborn to any conversation. He would make a joke or two and I would chuckle a little but only to return back to my awkward silence.
Finally, we made it to the dancing place and I was excited to let my stubbornness roll off and have some fun dancing with my guy.
But see at this point my silence had been hurting him and causing him to have some pent up anger.
You can probably guess what happened.... we were a mess on the dance floor.
While we were first dancing neither of us were smiling and we were just going through the motions. I was being spun into people and off the dance floor, while he wasn't getting any warmth or support from me. I was being the worst possible follower and had caused us to studder step more than once.
I could see that it just wasn't going well for us so we stepped off to actually talk.
Then... my dear friends...we figured out our missteps.
It was a lack of communication that was bothering both of us and we weren't unified as a team. This was our problem. Normally, we are both warm and can laugh about any mistake that we make on the dance floor, and even on occasion make that mistake turn into some positive new dance move that only we use. But we were both silently angry at each other while first arriving and that led to my own lack of trust in his ability to lead (that's why I was struggling following) and his own frustration which was displayed by me being run into people. An outside factor to this was also that it was super crowded.
What we learned goes beyond dancing but cuts to the heart about our relationship. When we aren't communicating with one another, we aren't being the best possible partners for each other in that moment.
After having resolved our communication difficulties..... it helped tremendously.
Don't get me wrong! There was still the occasional run in with another couple or awkward turn. But the important thing is that we were ourselves and laughing about it when mistakes came. We were able to learn from them and dance the next step even better.
See... we still are going to make mistakes. We will never be the absolute perfect dance partners. What matters is that we move forward from our mistakes and not get bogged down to the point where we may not even want to dance at all. Because to be honest? My boyfriend is dance partner for life material. Someone that goes beyond to ensure the salvation of my soul by leading me to Christ. He leads and I follow not because it's the easiest thing to do- but because it's the right thing to do.
...When I'm with you, I know who I am and who I wanna be... -Ben Rector
Friends! First, I am asking for prayers as I continue my consecration to Jesus through Mary!
Struggling hardcore and have thought 9 days (out of the 10 I have done) of just giving up.
Praise be Jesus Christ I haven't yet!
Curious as to what has kept me going?
Mary.
For some odd reason my curiosity of Our Lady grows with each day, and my desire to be like her increases with it.
She was pure, beautiful, and magnified Our Lord.
Where am I?
I'm more of a Mary Magdalene.
I am broken, imperfect, impatient, and selfish.
I seek the world.
I have past mistakes that haunt me and tell me that I will never be free from my sin.
What I have grown to understand is that even Mary Magdalene, although broken and imperfect, was brought to the Resurrection. Christ appeared to her first despite her failings. Mary Magdalene's story is one of tremendous redemption and shows that no matter where we have been Christ's love knows no bounds. In John 20:11-18 we see that Mary was at the tomb and noticed that the stone had been rolled back and Jesus' body wasn't laid in the tomb. Immediately she begins to weep and panic at where her Lord had gone. She turns around and Christ says to her, "Woman why are you weeping? Of whom do you seek?". Mary begins to cry again and says, "Sir if you have taken the body of my Lord please return Him to me..." thinking that Christ was the gardener. Then with simplicity and love Christ says just one more word...." Mary."
Imagine.
Sometimes I find myself searching and searching for Christ but I get caught in my own selfishness and refuse to actually see Him. I know that's when he just gently says as he did to Mary, "Kileen".
This time of consecration is a time of being open to Christ and actually seeing Him.
He's breaking down barriers and showing me His true divine self through being able to witness my own life through the life of Mary Magdalene. She grew in love, purity, and beauty because of her love for Christ and learned true to devotion from Our Lady who she spent time in friendship with. They watched the Passion of Our Lord unfold together. Ultimately, Mary Magdalene is a Saint now in Heaven because of her response to Christ's call to mercy and forgiveness. Being able to move forward in our relationship with Christ means first forgiving ourselves and accepting His mercy to live our lives as the Saints we are called to be.
Forgive yourself.
"Still my heart, pull me close, let me hear a still small voice." -Audrey Assad "Restless"
Saint Mary Magdalene, pray for us!
But words will never hurt me.
This is false. Words really hurt.
It says in scripture time and time again the importance of attention to the words we speak as to not harm our neighbor, and that words have power to both give life AND destroy the spirit.
How powerful, right? Our words have the capability to both give life and to destroy. That's intense.
Let me tell you.... this week has been actually pretty exhausting. Spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I feel pretty drained. But in all things we must praise Christ! What makes this feeling worthwhile is that I realize that I am exhausted because of following through with what Christ needed from me this week. I listened, empathized, and cried... In all of those things He just wanted to be an instrument of love to others who were feeling torn down.
Words.
Over the passed week I have witnessed them bring hope to the hopeless, acknowledge past wounds and in doing so make steps towards healing, give light to some shadow of darkness, restore faith in despair, and finally... reiterate love.
Unfortunately, I have also been witness to the power they have to hurt and break the spirit.
Our words are very powerful and shouldn't be taken lightly because as it says in Proverbs 15: 1, "There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
We have to make sure that we use our words to build up one another and not tear each other down.
When you feel hurt simply repeat this in your head, "Lord I pray for the conversion of their heart, but first begin with mine."
