Some People Are Climbing the Stairway to Heaven...I'm Just Trying to Make it to the First Step

Friends! First, I am asking for prayers as I continue my consecration to Jesus through Mary!
Struggling hardcore and have thought 9 days (out of the 10 I have done) of just giving up. 
Praise be Jesus Christ I haven't yet!

Curious as to what has kept me going?
Mary.
For some odd reason my curiosity of Our Lady grows with each day, and my desire to be like her increases with it.
She was pure, beautiful, and magnified Our Lord.

Where am I?
I'm more of a Mary Magdalene.

I am broken, imperfect, impatient, and selfish.
I seek the world.
I have past mistakes that haunt me and tell me that I will never be free from my sin.

What I have grown to understand is that even Mary Magdalene, although broken and imperfect, was brought to the Resurrection. Christ appeared to her first despite her failings. Mary Magdalene's story is one of tremendous redemption and shows that no matter where we have been Christ's love knows no bounds. In John 20:11-18 we see that Mary was at the tomb and noticed that the stone had been rolled back and Jesus' body wasn't laid in the tomb. Immediately she begins to weep and panic at where her Lord had gone. She turns around and Christ says to her, "Woman why are you weeping? Of whom do you seek?". Mary begins to cry again and says, "Sir if you have taken the body of my Lord please return Him to me..." thinking that Christ was the gardener. Then with simplicity and love Christ says just one more word...." Mary."
Imagine.
Sometimes I find myself searching and searching for Christ but I get caught in my own selfishness and refuse to actually see Him. I know that's when he just gently says as he did to Mary, "Kileen".

This time of consecration is a time of being open to Christ and actually seeing Him.
He's breaking down barriers and showing me His true divine self through being able to witness my own life through the life of Mary Magdalene. She grew in love, purity, and beauty because of her love for Christ and learned true to devotion from Our Lady who she spent time in friendship with. They watched the Passion of Our Lord unfold together. Ultimately, Mary Magdalene is a Saint now in Heaven because of her response to Christ's call to mercy and forgiveness. Being able to move forward in our relationship with Christ means first forgiving ourselves and accepting His mercy to live our lives as the Saints we are called to be.

Forgive yourself.

"Still my heart, pull me close, let me hear a still small voice." -Audrey Assad "Restless"

Saint Mary Magdalene, pray for us!