In my Father's Vineyard...

Just to begin, I'm not sure if I included this in my last post but I am a student at Colorado State University which is a public school in Fort Collins, Colorado. Just 10 minutes away from the center of campus is Blessed John the 23rd University Parish that administers to Catholic students and brings them the joy of being Catholic by providing tons of different programs and ministries for the students to get involved in. Within that umbrella is a ministry called the Fellowship of Catholic University Students, or more commonly know as FOCUS, which brings full time missionaries in for the purpose of setting campus on fire for Jesus Christ and the Catholic faith. Eventually those who attend FOCUS bible studies can become disciples and lead their own study which consists of plenty of prayer time, coffee, and meeting some amazing men and women who desire to know more about Our Lord in the Scriptures.  

My Freshman year of college when I first said 'yes' to becoming a disciple within FOCUS I didn't really understand what I was saying 'yes' to.

I was saying yes to....

nights of complete desolation and feeling like I have nothing to offer. 

I was saying yes to....

intense time in holy hours trying to contemplate Our Lord in the mysteries of the Gospels and how to best explain his wonderful majesty. 

I was saying yes to....

lifelong friendships.

I was saying yes to....

giving of myself... truly giving...and having a passion so deep of wanting people to desire Heaven. 

I was saying yes to labor.

BUT....

Like any average college kid I get very tired. Very fast.

It very well could be for the fact that I have chosen to procrastinate on my history 339 paper that was due at 11:00 am or the big Spanish test I have to review for. (You college pals know what I'm talking about)

Anyway, even though the mission for evangelizing on campus is so worthwhile and absolutely incredibly I still ask Our Lord, "Why? Why me? I know nothing. What do I have to offer?"

On this September day I was yet again drawn to the church in hope to find peace because these questions that were so filled with fear and doubt plagued my heart again. Our Lord replied to my anxiousness and feelings of fear with one beautiful phrase...

He simply said to me...

"Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me?" 

Wow. What a loving Father we have that in times of distress and hopelessness He leans over and says simply, 'You belong to me...' 

This scripture passage in Matthew 20 gave me a glimpse into my own selfishness and temptation especially in that, like all human beings, we all desire to govern ourselves. 

There's such a freedom in giving yourself entirely to Our Lord and being at His disposal. Although there is a lot of fear, isn't there? We are fearful of what God is going to ask of us. What He will require us to do with our talents and how uncomfortable that may feel. 

But as Paul puts it, "Yet He is not far from each one of us, for in Him, we live and move and have our being." 

God made you and breathed His very life in to you! If you place your hand over your chest you feel a beating heart, and this heart was made and formed in a beautiful way that Our Lord knows in every way. You belong to Him!

Do not be afraid of what God asks of you because He will make you more than ready for the task at hand! God will ask of you things that may frighten you, tire you, and bring you discomfort. But He will be with you each step of the way working and laboring in the vineyard.  

Being a FOCUS student missionary comes with intimidation but also with beautiful opportunities to labor and work to build the Kingdom of Heaven. There will be days that it is hard to understand why He has given me the task that He has, but as it says in John 15:16,

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit--fruit that will last--and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you." 

Out Lord taught me that I need to step outside myself and not only look at my feelings but the feelings of others around me, therefore, I will learn how best to serve and give freely while expecting nothing in return.
To belong to Christ is to live for Him. This is the greatest freedom of all because it is that which leads to Heaven.... St. Agnes said it beautifully, "Christ has made my soul beautiful with the jewels of grace and virtue. I belong to Him Whom the Angels serve."

Keep Calm and Trust in God.