Moments where our attention can only seem to see every hand holding, laughing, and adorable couple walking down the street or on campus. Well if anyone has not had those moments I SURELY did growing up. A few months ago I was meeting a friend for coffee and after explaining her beautiful journey she's going through with our Lord, I asked the dreaded question... "How are you doing with relationships?" Immediately I knew exactly what she was feeling because of her facial expression, and like her to, I didn't like being single. She told me of how people were trying to make her feel better by saying,"You have to be completely content by yourself before he will come!", and of course the classic, "Awe honey don't worry it was when I least expected him to come that he came into my life...I'm sure that will happen with you!'". After telling me this I completely empathized because I had been through all of that! I knew exactly where she was coming from so I simply looked at her and said..."It sucks doesn't it."
We both burst out into laughter at the bluntness of my phrasing... but in fact sometimes we just have to tell it like it is. We aren't doing anyone any favors if we don't tell them the honest truth, especially if we have gone through the experience before!
I explained to her when I was told those exact same things that my understanding of this was that I had to not expect him to come into my life, right? Well in 'not expecting' I was trying to 'expect the unexpected' and grew frustrated over the whole process because I was in fact 'expecting'. Goodness. What confusion! For all you ladies who are single and desiring the vocation of marriage but are growing frustrated.... you're not alone! Here are a few things I hope that can help while you live out your call in a season of singleness.
First, please know that you're not alone in feeling that sense of hopelessness. It is easy to look at our relationships between one another and completely rely on them for our happiness but the best advice I can give you is to fall in love first with Our Lord and then with your future spouse. Honestly? He will teach you how to love purely, honestly, and wholly. Which you will need once you get in a relationship. Enjoy that time with our Lord and when you get frustrated or lonely, rush to the tabernacle and sit with Him. Tell Him of your struggles and pray for an increase in virtues. You will learn to love more fully if you love Him who made you, created you, and gave life to you.
Second, enjoy and pray during your season of singleness. Notice that? I called it a season because, like all of the seasons, if you are called to the vocation of marriage your season of singleness will end. It is vital that you get time to truly know who you are and what God is calling you to do prior to entering into a relationship where you will need to be selfless. In this season of singleness it is OK to worry about yourself and be working with Our Lord on yourself! I know that it was wonderful for me to be able to be selfish in my love for Christ because then I just wanted to share it that much more with someone else, and through His love I am able to work towards a sacrificial love in my relationship and give to that person the way Christ gave to me.
Third, love is natural. The love of Our God flows so naturally because we were created for that love. In the same way you will be called to naturally love your future spouse! I thought that love would be the way it is depicted in movies and songs, but in reality that is something that looks like love but isn't authentic love.
You should strive for authentic love which is being able to sacrifice for your future spouse... even if you don't know who it is. During this time of waiting offer up every bit of suffering, loneliness, and sadness for the sanctity of their soul. And that as you prepare yourself for the day they will come into your life so too will they be doing the same for you.
Fourth, Father Dave Nix said that his one bit of dating advice would be that you date only if that person has characteristics you would like to see in your future spouse. Always remember your dignity and all the virtues so that Our Lord can be with you in your dating experience and give you wisdom to see what is best.
My last few words of advice would be that you understand and realize how loved you are even though you may not be in a relationship, or if you are in one that you know you deserve someone who will protect you and lead you to Heaven. They should love your heart and want to cherish every single part of it. Also, in their desire to capture your heart they should want to protect you in both body and spirit. I have never known such authentic love than to see the person who is seeking my heart also choose to die to himself in the flesh, ah how beautiful! This sacrifice will be the single greatest gift. To love one another means that you will have to make sacrifices but a verse that I try to keep in mind when reflecting on ways that I can give selflessly more in my relationship is in Proverbs 31:12 where it says, "She brings him good and not harm all the days of her life."
Keep your eyes fixed on Christ and be so hidden in Him that your future spouse will have to seek Him to find you....
"And so it was...that she; having waited long and endured patiently, realized and obtained what God had promised." Hebrews 6:15
Great words of encouragement Kileen!
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